Behind a Wall of Dancing

The music pounds a hypnotic beat.

Harder and harder.

Bass throbs through our bodies as you hands clamp against my head.

My lips part; hints of alcohol escape with my breath.

You lean close.

Your eyes locked at mine.

"Kiss me," you command.

And I pull back.

The lights swirl around like sirens

luring the unwary to their doom.

Smoke surges through hidden alcoves

and bathe us in cold swirling cloaks,

hiding us from prying eyes.

"Kiss me," you demand

And I pull back once more.

Beer bottles clink in the darkness.

Hands grope against sweaty bodies.

Tongues slide against tongues.

We kiss.

The music shifts.  

You pull back

And leave.

I guess I should have warned you.

I bite.

---

by tobie

2pm, a Saturday

I watch as he sleeps, naked like the first night we made love.

His body rests so peacefully against the white sheets.   

His skin, moist from the sweat summoned by the summer heat.   

With each breath, his chest heaves and his nipples seem to yearn - desperate for attention.  His eyes are closed, but his half-open mouth seems to whisper to me.

Closer.

Take me.

Please.

I feel a stirring beneath my boxer briefs, as a part of me rises in response. But no.  He is sleeping.  

He needs his rest.  

I stare at myself and realize I will have to beat that part of me to submission so he can sleep.

Beat it til it finally relents.

And like my lover, 

naked against the white sheets,

goes to sleep.

PG4M Question worth sharing: when did you realize?

realized:
Swimming class in DBTI.  Everyone was changing into their swimming trunks when I saw one of my classmates whom I always found somewhat... different.  As he changed, my eyes focused on the way his abdominals flexed as he bent foward to pull his briefs down from under the towel wrapped around his waist.

I gasped.

And discovered I had a boner.
Quickly ran to a nearby toilet cubicle, locked myself inside, and stared at my member.  It had betrayed me! First time ever!  I stared at its purplish proud head and tried to will it to descend.  Instead it began to throb and yearned for my touch.

Hay. naku.

Accept:
It would not be until a few more years before I'd finally accept I wasn't straight.
But those years were me struggling to understand why I wasn't "bakla" the way bakla was said to be (cross-dressing, high pitched talking as promoted by mass media icons roderick paulate, etc) but not macho either.  I had girlfriends who I really loved.  I had boyfriends who I really loved.  It was on my first year in college that I finally understood that I was bisexual.  Not a phase.  Not a confusion.  I loved men and women.  No change that.  I loved.  It didn't matter if it was a man or a woman.


---
From forum discussions on Pinoy Gay4Men v3.0 forums
Join now!

His eyes were closed...

His eyes were closed but his lips moved as they struggled to form words.    The syllables danced drunkenly across his tongue however, as no sounds he made could transform into anything coherent.   The rise and cresting of sensations were just too much, overwhelming any semblance of expressive self-control.  He felt the other's warm hands continue the ministrations, running circular motions between his aching muscles.  He felt the nudging firm touch pressing deeper against his skin.  It was gloriously painful and yet indulgently satisfying.  He took a deep breath and swallowed all the stress and frustrations of the day away.

This was heaven.

This deep and oil-enhanced melding of the senses.

When it was over, he opened his eyes and waited for his vision to adjust to the dim light.  He was alone now, save for the soft voices in the vicinity that were enjoying their own private indulgences.  He slowly rose from the bed and saw the tiny envelope left beside his keys.  Smiling, he took both and got dressed and reminded himself to tip his masseur generously for such an effective massage.

Sometimes, it can be almost better than sex.

Almost.

-----

by tobie

Reasonable to Reconnect

I've heard loads of excuses and reasons in my time.

Yes, you've heard it right.  Rocky and I have decided to become active in the revived Pinoy G4M webforum after being invited by one of their administrators to a sandwich party.   And so far, I do not have any complaints. There is always something nice about being back in touch with a network of people who share some of one's interests.  While Rocky and I have been delightfully part of the geek circles (ranging from Via Astris to Lost in the Philippines, all part of the New Worlds Alliance) as well as gaming circles, our range of gay friends has been in many ways reflected by those we either have already known for quite some time, or were ties through our respective exes (in many ways a combination of both).   I will have to admit that a large part of my choosing to stop being part of the gay social networks was the exhaustion that came with fending off far too many inquiries from total strangers if I was a top or willing to have sex.    Somehow, the idea that I was still on the network was enough reason to assume I was willing to play around even if I was clearly stating my presence was merely one seeking to find new friends.

Not everyone is a social manipulator.  Some of us are really just shy.

So yeah, after ceasing to be part of any for quite some time, we're back online and part of the network and barely a week in, we've already met some fun people who are quite entertaining to toss back and forth ideas and anecdotes.  While the flirtatious exchanges are still there, it is nice to see how a much larger majority of the messages sent around are more intellectually stimulating than not.  Already, a thread from another friend has created an "event" based on the Singapore PINK DOT 2011 YouTube video.  And even more interestingly is the small, but still present, interest that has been gained in being more active in the next Pride March.  (It is sad though that the location of the Singapore event prohibits foreigners from being part of the dot itself.  But that's life I guess.)

While we're not allowed to be part of the Singapore PINK DOT event,
we can still show our own support for the Freedom to Love.

As expected, there are already some who tease me as being a snob.  I don't blame them.  As social as I can get in face-to-face interactions, when meeting people for the very first time (and possibly up to the third time), I can be quite a challenge to connect with if the event is one which I am not typically comfortable with.  I tend to be a social mirror, adapting to a situation and following the trends of discussion, in such events - and unfortunately when faced with a group that seems to be familiar with everyone else save me, that strategy falters since most discussions become more of the inside-joke sort of talk.   But rest assured, given time, I'm sure some people will warm up to me and realize I'm not as snobbish as I may have projected myself.    People who easily and quickly connect with me, however, soon discover how much low maintenance a friend I actually am.   Rocky and I actually reconnected on G4M after merely seeing each other in brief instances during the New Worlds convention in Makati.    Neither of us expected the immensity of a connection we'd feel when we finally would meet face-to-face.

Rainbows can be different, after all.

But yeah, I am expecting that soon enough there would be some who wouldn't be too keen on having me now as part of the PinoyG4M site.  From experience, there will always be people who would find me and my strong opinions about certain things as something to complain against.  I've known of times when people misinterpret my friendliness as "come ons" and even know of two instances where a full-fledged narrative of a nonexistent relationship had already been created by the other party, and is still being cited as a reason to hate me.  But I guess that's why we queers are fruits; there will always be the good apples, and the bad ones.

Individuals meeting together = network

Overall, being back and active on PinoyG4M is a good feeling.  While I don't foresee it being an avenue for any hookups or what not (hello?  I'm happily with someone.)   I do excitedly look forward to finding more friends and possibly creating a bigger circle for gay geeks to share their thoughts on their favorite fandoms and games.  Maybe even someday drag them over to the Sietch for a party or to attend the next Open gaming meet?

The Bane of my Existence...

Tom Hardy works it as Bane in the upcoming Batman movie.
Woof!  Love the hint of armpit hair still there.  I hate it when men shave their armpits.
Just plain weird to see it smooth.

Celebrate the Freedom to Love!

Here's to celebrating IDAHO (International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia) this May 17.
http://www.dayagainsthomophobia.org

A friend shared to me this link of how Singapore is taking part in it.  I only wish there was also a more visible way Pinoys can take part in the celebration.

Even Lady Gaga herself is participating.  Here's her quote on the event:

"That Humanity could find Togertherness. We are all different and it is that which makes us the same.  Be yourself, love who you are and be proud. You were born this way, baby."

I'm hoping to take part in the As I Am campaign.  Probably gonna tell Rocky about it once he wakes up.  While I may have had a long part of my life denying who I was and hating who I am, I am proud to have finally come to a point where I can celebrate being me and have no fears of whether or not the world will accept me.

I am me.

My name is Tobie Abad, and I am a bisexual, and I am not afraid to love who I love.

I only hope you can say you have the freedom to love too.

Jakey, if this is you, do more!

Chances that this pic is a photoshopped one?  Huge.

Likelihood I care?  None.

But unlike other blogs though that scream at people who raise the fact many pics are photoshopped fakies, I prefer if people openly talk about whether or not something is photoshopped, and actually WATCH the said movie the supposed naked screencap was taken from to see for sure.   Cause I know I saw that particular David Boreneaz  and I know he did strip down but never "flashed himself while holding a spent condom."

Truth matters.

Fantasties, while fun, are best informed ones.

Geekwood: Ben and Hudson

While a larger majority of all my geekwood posts will focus on fictional hotties from videogames, comics, role-playing games and the like, this geekwood entry is being devoted to two people who deserve to be recognized for their actions.

Ben Cohen, a world-class English rugby athlete and absolute hottie, and Hudson Taylor, an American college wrestler, are both straight, drop-dead gorgeous and have dedicated their lives to standing up against homophobia and bullying.  

Hudson Taylor and Ben Cohen.  Shining examples of hot straight guys you can count on.

Sad but true, there are many straight AND gay people who can be open-minded towards having homosexual friends, but still remain afraid to speak up for gay rights and to stop gay bashing.    I know a few friends of mine who, while happy to be gay, are unwilling to take part in Pride marches and remain silent when homophobic jokes are bandied around.

And yes, Ben understands "smooth" is not necessary to be attractive as fuck!

So yes, thank you Ben and Hudson for being secure in your masculinity and being willing to speak up fro the many others who are too afraid (or will cite "logical" reasons) and remain silent.

Hudson on the other hand isn't afraid to trim the pit (although I prefer it hairy).

I remember some questioning the point of Pride marches and the like.  How they are all just "political" and not celebrations of diversity.  They seem to forget that yes, it IS political.  And it will also remain political until the day discrimination towards homosexuality comes to an end.  

No H8!

I don't personally also understand all this fear straight men have of being seen as attractive by other men.   Maybe I'm just too open-minded in the sense that I see anyone appreciating my attractiveness as a compliment, whether or not I find the other person appealing.  Beauty is beauty and to be seen as attractive, whether it be by a straight or homosexual man or woman, for me, is always a good thing.

But I guess some people just have issues.

*swoons*  for so many reasons.

So yes, thank you Ben and Hudson.  

You are shining examples of how one does not need to be gay to understand and speak out on how homophobia and bullying, especially in sports (which for some reason is deemed only for "straight" people by some).  Thank you!

Read more about them here.

Okay It Works...

...I guess it just needed to grow a little bit more.

RRrrwwwaarrwww....

But yeah, let's hope it doesn't grow way too much like his friend over there.

Tee hee.