The Illusion of Perfection

I always thought he was cute.

Why is it that so many people, both gay and straight, are obsessed with this misunderstanding of what being perfect is?  I was at O bar Ortigas earlier tonight, my favorite haunt, and was hanging with some dear friends when this subject came to mind.  One of the new friends, you see, was a straight guy who was at O bar for the very first time in his entire life.  He was quite a handsome guy, I must admit, with his goatee and his very social demeanor.  He had the build suggesting a guy who probably loved basketball and was taller than most of the usual monkeys I see at the bar.  At one point in the night, I was in a playful mood and was teasing him to one of the friends in the group who happened to be a girl.  When I suggested the two of them would be a cute couple, his response made me stare at him in shock.

"Hindi no.  Hindi ako pogi.  Ang taba ko kaya?"
(Of course not.  I'm not handsome.  I happen to be so fat?"

I stared at him, shocked that someone would so willingly look down at himself and told him he was an attractive fellow.  He might not match the overly hyped media image of the perfect guy:  With the prominent chin-line, the perfect proportions and the evident six-pack of abdominal muscles.  But he was still a handsome guy in his own right.

Have we so willingly allowed ourselves to hate how we look since we don't match the "ideal image" portrayed by the fashion industry and our mass media?  Have we learned to hate our inner qualities so much that we cannot fathom we are beautiful people, whether or not we gym on a daily basis or treat food like some poisonous habit?

I asked him why he felt that way and his response was to tap his stomach and say,

I know some would think its unthinkable, but for me, he was cute before AND after. 

"Wala.  Mataba lang talaga ako."
(Oh nevermind.  I just really am fat.)

And in response I reminded him that it wasn't a bad trait to have a tummy.  There are many people out there who don't mind being with a person who fails to match the required image for a Bench model.  There are many out there who actually would prefer to be with "a person" than a "model," so to speak.

It did make me wonder, however.

Why do we allow the fashion industry to tell us we are ugly?
Why do we allow magazines, fashion shows, television shows and billboards to tell us being imperfect means being ugly?  Is it really that hard to celebrate being unique?  Is it really that hard to realize we can be beautiful in our own way?  Is it that impossible to fathom that there are people out there who will love us as ourselves, and not because we look like the newest big thing in the fashion industry?

This isn't really a new topic, I admit.  But I feel sad that there are people out there who so willingly proclaim themselves to be ugly.  What kind of a life would you live if you would so willingly label yourself in such a manner?  If you want to work out or diet for the sake of being healthy, that's fine.  But if you think working out is the only way you can be beautiful, I think there's something sorely wrong there.

We all are beautiful for someone who hasn't admitted it.

Admittedly, I have my moments of doubt too.

My partner, Rocky, who is the love of my life and makes me happy every single day, does have his own tastes when it comes to men.  Just as I admittedly find BARA men attractive, Rocky does appreciate men who do work out.  And admittedly, sometimes I wonder if I am good-looking enough for him, with my six pack (a proud trait I used to have from my competitive swimming) buried under a well cultivated tummy from our delight in cooking home cooked meals.  Sometimes I wonder if he'd find me hotter if I found a way to shape up my chest and build up my arms.  But while I do have plans (and have been working on reaching them) of being more fit and more athletic, I have no misconceptions of seeing myself as ugly.  I don't think I'm gross or ugly.  I know I could live a healthier life, and I know I haven't been the sporty sort to have the muscles that would make him see me as a candidate for a Sean Cody video.   I know there I days I want him to literally hunger for me as if I was the best porn he has ever laid his eyes on.  But I don't use that as a measure of my personal attractiveness.  I simply know that he loves me, both physically, mentally and emotionally, because of who I am. And anything else is just gravy added to the dish.

I don't ever look at myself in the mirror and honestly think I am hideous.

And even if you aren't religious, know, you really are.

But it really bothers me that some people look at themselves and do.

I wish more people out there realize the innate beauty they possess.  And realize somewhere out there, there are people who can see that beauty, even if they themselves can't.  There's no harm in striving to be healthier.  But I believe there is huge harm in telling yourself on a daily basis "I am ugly."

We are beautiful.  While I don't think we are "perfect" as we are, since I am one of those who believes we can always strive to be better.  To be more wonderful.  I do believe that no one in this world is born to see themselves as ugly.  We are unique and we are beautiful in ways only others can see.

And I hope someday, somehow, more people realize that.