Do I share them?

Hmmm..

Okay this is a surprise.  I just received an email from a certain friend of mine whom I know and respect pretty much.  But the email seemed very out of character since it talked a lot about sex and about wanting to explore gay sex with me.  I wasn't sure how to respond.  I actually haven't responded yet.

But this was the clincher.  The attachments.
The email has around fifteen attached pictures of my friend in various naked poses.  I do not know what to do with them.  According to the email, I can share them if I want to as long as I don't show my friend's face.  Drunk message?  Or someone hacked the password?

Hmm.  What do you think?  Should I share the naked pictures of my friend?  I do have my friend's permission after all!   I'll leave it for you all to vote.

Theorgy. And Why I Blog.

My partner alerted me to an upcoming gay blogger event called Theorgy which has definitely perked my interest.  The idea is to have numerous gay bloggers write on a specific topic on a specific day, with September one being devoted to the topic of Coming Out.

Could this be the start of a good thing?
I hope so.

The term Theorgy sounds like a play with words to me:  Theory being merged with Orgy.   The idea seems to do suggest that it is about a group of people doing a sharing of views and perhaps a study of beliefs and opinions.  The word play is quite quaint and it does grab attention.

I feel happy to see that there is movement in having gay blogs contain more than the usual mix of nearly naked men, sexual escapades, fashion, rumor or blind item controversies, or porn reviews.  While I will admit to having my own share of interests in such things, I will state a part of me really hopes to find more gay blogs that discuss topics beyond the usual nsfw variety.

Jakey agrees.  Can't always just be about his body, right?

Being gay, after all, is a much more colorful experience than just sex, naked men, and rumors of who is and isn't still in the closet.  While I have been blogging for many years, I only started blogging about my gay life after realizing that I did want to have one which reflected on such topics more freely.  My current blog is already overly cluttered with posts on role playing games, daily grind rants, geekgasms on upcoming movies and games, and the like.  Blame it on the rain, bro became my outlet to discuss things which definitely reflected more of my gay life and clearly that was more than just sex.

Yep.  Too many people ignoring their brains and using their dicks to do the thinking.
Others don't even bother trying to think.

I wonder though why many seem to limit their gay experience to be the sexual kind.  While I understand that it is sex, sexual interest, and gender identity that defines one to be gay, I would not like to think that everything else in the world then becomes default straight.  My partner cautioned me though in believing that there aren't any such blogs out there.  Many, he shared, did exist must most have gone inactive in as the years gone by.

Oh dead blogs.  I hardly knew you.

I wonder if others out there would like to try to help make the presence of such blogs more known.

I've tried reading some of the gay friendly local blogs that I have heard of and some didn't quite rub me the right way.  I wasn't too happy to see blogs that seemed to view the idea of infidelity or fooling around with married men as "an exciting moment" in one's life.  I didn't quite agree with other blogs that suggested wearing branded clothes was the standard which defined a gay man as having class or not.  I was literally turned off by  blogs that seemed devoted to spreading rumors, accusing others of being closeted and celebrating the (what I feel is an abusive) art of blind items.

Why not more gay blogs that talk about life beyond the waistband and lubricated anus?  Why not blogs that reflect we can love sports beyond the muscular guys who wear them tiny shorts?  Why not blogs that talk about how cooking became an icebreaker on how they reached out to their parents and regained acceptance?   Or how being HIV positive opened one's eyes to living a much more positive and appreciative life?   Lots of gay friends I know lead colorful, challenging, and over all interesting lives.  Why can we not celebrate these lives more in our blogs?

Maybe if Will and Grace did this more often, the show would have had a stronger
staying power for today's gay audience?

In many ways I feel the kind of blogs out there nicely reflect the kind of gay friendly shows we finally have access to as well.  Years back, beautifully written shows like Will and Grace showed us that a gay man can be very multifaceted.  Will stood out in contrast to his friend Jack, yet both got along campily well in many other ways.  But then came shows like Queer as Folk and Dante's Cove which seemed to focus more on the sexual energy and abusive relationships that also existed in gay couplings.  It doesn't come as a surprise that a lot of people love the shows, but it does make me worry how many still have the misconception that a gay lifestyle is limited to that kind of a life.   I am still hoping for more people to learn of shows like Torchwood and Modern Family to see that being gay can go much further than just being a guy who loves to sleep around and can't keep their dick in their pants.  Sadly, even a very well executed and written show like Glee still seems lacking in the gay =/= sex department.  I have yet to really see from Curt see more than his right to have feelings for Finn.  I would have liked Curt to be mature enough to understand that Finn does also deserve to have his own personal space.

Oh no, I dissed Curt.  I wonder if that's Hate Mail I hear coming?
Oh Curt can't wait to see me suffer for dissing him.

In a way, the feeling that the world needs to see more gay blogs that aren't obsessing over other's men's genitalia will be a huge source of momentum for me in keeping this blog going.  I wouldn't like people who aren't blessed with the joy of having gay friends to find nothing but meat, meat, meat, and more meat online when they chance upon a gay friendly site.  I think keeping this blog alive would be my part in helping show that the gay experience is far more than just a change of pussycats with roosters.

In can be a whole lot more colorful than they can ever dream.

Shouldn't we then do what we can to help them see that?

I believe in Karma. And Stupidity.

I recently attended a birthday bash a friend of mine was having.   The party was held at our favorite haunt and with three tables reserved just for us, I opted to stay at the table I usually am at, enjoying its familiarity and closeness to the air conditioner.  There were a large number of new faces that evening.  While I was amongst friends and good buddies, there was a very generous helping of new faces and I had my share of introductions and ice breaker toasts.  A few more tequila shots later between rounds of Extra Joss empowered beer and I found myself giddy and dancing to the great music.    I saw a lot of old friends who now had partners and true to my nickname-sake, began to talk to each of them like a mother would to her child's new suitor.  I reminded them of the importance of honesty and respect and how if they crossed the line, I would call upon every true and powerful thing outside the arms of the law to smite them.

The night was good.  Dancing and laughter were shared in abundance.  Anecdotes shared.  Jokes remembered.

I missed my partner.  He was stuck at work that night, and being a responsible manager, he didn't exactly think the idea of just calling in sick was acceptable.  So I had dropped him off at work before driving to the party and now felt how much I wished he was with me.  The sea of laughing faces, iced alcohol and frenetic dance steps seemed less... fun... without him.

It was then that it happened.

As the group toasted another round for the birthday boy, a friend I had not seen for quite some time stumbled close - evidently having a tad too much to drink - and stared at the boyfriend of one of my buddies.  With a smile, the friend swung an arm around the boyfriend's neck, then pulled him close as if to whisper something to his ear.   This was happening just a foot in front of me.   Leaning close to grab the friend in case gravity won against his wobbly knees, I overheard him stumbling over his own words as he slid his hand to the guy's chest and squeezed.

Uh oh.

A quick glance and I saw the boyfriend's partner, my other friend, staring at the incident with contained anger.  Knowing this was most likely the alcohol and not actual stupidity, I stepped forward and quickly grabbed drunk buddy with my arms, pulled him off the boyfriend, and sat him down beside me.  Drunk friend laughed, obviously oblivious to what was going on, and asked me if he can hug me.  I told him it was fine and used it as a means to keep him from tipping over.

While I am not that much a believer that alcohol should excuse one of acting stupidly (for I still believe no matter how drunk a person gets, the choice to act is always a choice, though admittedly drunk people make really bad ones.  The alcohol does NOT make the choice for you.)  I began think about how some people choose to act stupidly for supposed romantic or whatever reasons, but when truly confronted are easily revealed to be selfish ones.  And mind you, I am in no means washing my hands clean and claiming to be pure and innocent of stupid choices.  I too have made my own number of mistakes in the past.  But I have always admitted my mistakes and lived up to my promises.

I know of some people who seem to thrive on the idea of going for people who are attached.  It does not matter how loyal the others are, or whether or not their own relationship is going well.  The call for something as forbidden as a taken man seems too irresistible to ignore.

I know also of others who live their lives crying wolf.  They lie, cheat, and in some cases even steal, then when caught blame society, blame their partner, blame the other man, or even blame mental illness they claim to have... but never do they simply fess up and admit their fault.

And I know of others who thrive on manipulation and gossip.  They twist the truth and spread so much white lies, they convince themselves of their own inventions.  Even something as me telling another, "I rather not say anything at the risk of being accused of backstabbing a person.." was reinterpreted and spread as me supposedly spreading bad gossip about a person.

Stupid people.
Stupid choices.
And worse yet, the stupid fact that many others are blind to these facts and accept their words as gospel.

Sometimes I wish I could do something to help.  Many of these people aren't exactly enemies or people I dislike (although there is one whom I wish would finally pay the karmic debt of all the @*$*&#%^*# he's done to others), and sad but true, most won't take kindly to any attempt to help them become better people.  Some would cry foul and demand to be given the "right" to live their lives how they want.   And while I do agree we all have a right to finding our own kind of happiness, how does one balance respecting such rights when one can clearly see the other is trapped in an unfair situation?

"If they don't help themselves..."

I was told that was supposed to be the main difference.  If you have a friend whose hard-earned money was being leeched away by a wife who seems to be the very definition of infidelity, you have no right to say anything is wrong about it if the friend doesn't complain anyway.  That's their life.  That's their call if they want to live that kind of a life.

In some ways, that sounds true.

However, what if the friend doesn't complain not because he is okay with it, but because he just rather not "make a fuss" over things.   It isn't that he's happy with the situation or accepts it.  What if its because he thinks by acting he loses everything?

This seems to be a long blog entry with no clear direction.  I guess I was just trying to jot down thoughts and see where they lead.  Sometimes, I think it is easier to just pretend that I don't know things.  Pretend I don't see the little wrongs going on.  To just act as if I was blind too to the unacceptable acts of stupidity that people I care about engage in.

But would that not be any different from getting drunk, then blaming the beer for hitting on a friend's boyfriend?

Wouldn't that just be a choice to be dishonest?

While it is hard to think of good gossip, here's an example of Bad Gossip.

Hey everyone, sorry for the long delay.  Having recently come out to my parents, I haven't gotten around to getting the details to finally sink in and come out as a coherent blog post.

For now, however, let me talk about something else:
Here in Manila, one of the key gay hangout spots is Malate.  Once the central bohemian destination where musicians, artists and writers converged, the place - and more specifically the intersection of Nakpil and Orosa street - have transformed with the times to become a gay mecca in the metropolis.  There are a number of gay friendly establishments along this strip, with two bars being most notable:  O bar and Bed.  Both cater to the drink and party crowd and both have their own pros and cons.  Many who seek to relive the illusion of a wild life presented by shows like Queer as Folk prefer Bed and its overly expensive drinks and massive flirtation space.  Others who have begun to see the joys of bonding with friends have begun to embrace O bar as the place to be.  And while both bars of course have their own share of monkeys and undesirables, both tend to have crowds whose main drive that night is towards one or the other.

But I'm not focusing this blog post to talk about the bars, though.

Instead I am focusing on the existence of a small page in Facebook that seeks to stylize itself as some kind of Gossip Girl wannabe.   With struggling English, thinly veiled code names, and a very large tendency to get the facts wrong, the page has declared itself a hub for the latest gossip about certain people who hang out in the area.  As of this blog posting, the page has targeted a dancer and a few regular customers of O bar, and has even released a list of more names to follow.

While the urge to gossip and share news about other people seems to be a strong trait of anyone more social than not, I do not know if I can appreciate a site that prides itself in spreading rumors about people who aren't  even celebrities.  Celebrities already walk a thin line in having private and public lives separate.  And some would even say celebrities don't have much of a choice, since their personal lives are in many ways what make them even more popular.  This self-proclaimed gossip site, however, targets private individuals and worse, shares unconfirmed (or at least claims to have confirmed, but clearly has details wrong) rumors about them.   The most recent entry on a Mr. U.B.E. has many facts twisted askew and while the entry tries to sound somewhat respectful or favorable of the guy being a nice guy, shares potentially damaging information about someone the page itself declares as "This guy is often quiet, shy, and real nice."   The page even alludes to some group thing going on and claims the reason for one of them staying with the two others is "withheld", when the real reasons is actually because the other guy simply needed a place to stay at for a while.  Ergo, the real reason, which lacked any real malice, was intentionally kept from the readers to again build intrigue and malice.

The page could be fun.  There is always something nice about reading blind items about celebrities.   But the beauty about blind items is that it keeps things vague and interesting without being insulting or slanderous.  This page fails to do just that.   Instead, it seems to think intrigue and making insinuations about others is a positive and fun thing that doesn't harm others.

And clearly, the people behind the page itself are aware of this fact.  They know how wrong what they are doing actually is.  Why?  Because they choose to stay anonymous to avoid being targeted themselves.

To those listed as current and future targets of the page, while I might not know you all personally and to be honest, I might not even be able to consider you all as someone I'd call a friend, I still feel for you and how this page seeks to slander you for sheer fun.

To the people behind this page, either shape up and get your act straight, or quit and vanish people someone actually takes action against you.  Realize worse things have been done to people who try to ruin the reputation and name of other people.  Slander and libel are also things you should research on.  Take my advice and quit while you haven't riled up the wrong people, or you might find yourself gossiping more than you can handle and learning how words can be the catalyst for worse things.  I.P. addresses can be traced.  Online identities can be hunted down.  Things can be done.  Quit before things get out of hand, for your own sake.  Are you forgetting that you live in the Philippines?  Worse things have happened to people for far less.