I recently attended a birthday bash a friend of mine was having. The party was held at our favorite haunt and with three tables reserved just for us, I opted to stay at the table I usually am at, enjoying its familiarity and closeness to the air conditioner. There were a large number of new faces that evening. While I was amongst friends and good buddies, there was a very generous helping of new faces and I had my share of introductions and ice breaker toasts. A few more tequila shots later between rounds of Extra Joss empowered beer and I found myself giddy and dancing to the great music. I saw a lot of old friends who now had partners and true to my nickname-sake, began to talk to each of them like a mother would to her child's new suitor. I reminded them of the importance of honesty and respect and how if they crossed the line, I would call upon every true and powerful thing outside the arms of the law to smite them.
The night was good. Dancing and laughter were shared in abundance. Anecdotes shared. Jokes remembered.
I missed my partner. He was stuck at work that night, and being a responsible manager, he didn't exactly think the idea of just calling in sick was acceptable. So I had dropped him off at work before driving to the party and now felt how much I wished he was with me. The sea of laughing faces, iced alcohol and frenetic dance steps seemed less... fun... without him.
It was then that it happened.
As the group toasted another round for the birthday boy, a friend I had not seen for quite some time stumbled close - evidently having a tad too much to drink - and stared at the boyfriend of one of my buddies. With a smile, the friend swung an arm around the boyfriend's neck, then pulled him close as if to whisper something to his ear. This was happening just a foot in front of me. Leaning close to grab the friend in case gravity won against his wobbly knees, I overheard him stumbling over his own words as he slid his hand to the guy's chest and squeezed.
Uh oh.
A quick glance and I saw the boyfriend's partner, my other friend, staring at the incident with contained anger. Knowing this was most likely the alcohol and not actual stupidity, I stepped forward and quickly grabbed drunk buddy with my arms, pulled him off the boyfriend, and sat him down beside me. Drunk friend laughed, obviously oblivious to what was going on, and asked me if he can hug me. I told him it was fine and used it as a means to keep him from tipping over.
While I am not that much a believer that alcohol should excuse one of acting stupidly (for I still believe no matter how drunk a person gets, the choice to act is always a choice, though admittedly drunk people make really bad ones. The alcohol does NOT make the choice for you.) I began think about how some people choose to act stupidly for supposed romantic or whatever reasons, but when truly confronted are easily revealed to be selfish ones. And mind you, I am in no means washing my hands clean and claiming to be pure and innocent of stupid choices. I too have made my own number of mistakes in the past. But I have always admitted my mistakes and lived up to my promises.
I know of some people who seem to thrive on the idea of going for people who are attached. It does not matter how loyal the others are, or whether or not their own relationship is going well. The call for something as forbidden as a taken man seems too irresistible to ignore.
I know also of others who live their lives crying wolf. They lie, cheat, and in some cases even steal, then when caught blame society, blame their partner, blame the other man, or even blame mental illness they claim to have... but never do they simply fess up and admit their fault.
And I know of others who thrive on manipulation and gossip. They twist the truth and spread so much white lies, they convince themselves of their own inventions. Even something as me telling another, "I rather not say anything at the risk of being accused of backstabbing a person.." was reinterpreted and spread as me supposedly spreading bad gossip about a person.
Stupid people.
Stupid choices.
And worse yet, the stupid fact that many others are blind to these facts and accept their words as gospel.
Sometimes I wish I could do something to help. Many of these people aren't exactly enemies or people I dislike (although there is one whom I wish would finally pay the karmic debt of all the @*$*&#%^*# he's done to others), and sad but true, most won't take kindly to any attempt to help them become better people. Some would cry foul and demand to be given the "right" to live their lives how they want. And while I do agree we all have a right to finding our own kind of happiness, how does one balance respecting such rights when one can clearly see the other is trapped in an unfair situation?
"If they don't help themselves..."
I was told that was supposed to be the main difference. If you have a friend whose hard-earned money was being leeched away by a wife who seems to be the very definition of infidelity, you have no right to say anything is wrong about it if the friend doesn't complain anyway. That's their life. That's their call if they want to live that kind of a life.
In some ways, that sounds true.
However, what if the friend doesn't complain not because he is okay with it, but because he just rather not "make a fuss" over things. It isn't that he's happy with the situation or accepts it. What if its because he thinks by acting he loses everything?
This seems to be a long blog entry with no clear direction. I guess I was just trying to jot down thoughts and see where they lead. Sometimes, I think it is easier to just pretend that I don't know things. Pretend I don't see the little wrongs going on. To just act as if I was blind too to the unacceptable acts of stupidity that people I care about engage in.
But would that not be any different from getting drunk, then blaming the beer for hitting on a friend's boyfriend?
Wouldn't that just be a choice to be dishonest?
