Bad Dream: The Fight for our Rights continues

by Slavin

Woke up feeling pretty frustrated and slightly angry today from a dream which touched on a number of personal topics.  The dream started with me and my sister Tracy standing at some street corner with a pair of wigs on.  I wore this weird brown wavy number while she wore this blonde tall wig.  And you know how in dreams, you "know" why something is happening?  Well, in this case it was me "knowing" it was because she had no time to fix her hair before we stepped out, so good thing I "had" wigs in my bag.   WTF right?   Anyway, we walked down a few blocks and eventually stopped at a bus station which had a mirror-like wall.  There, we saw how bad the wigs looked and noticed they had heated the air between them and our heads that our heads now looked nicely stylishly done.   So we removed the wigs and waited for the bus.

While waiting, I noticed down the road my ex-girlfriend walking with her family.  I then realized that in the dream, we were in Canada.  I felt worried that if they saw me, I would ruin their Christmas.  (This is the point in the dream I "knew" it was set during the Christmas season).  So I ducked behind the waiting seats so they wouldn't see me.  My sister looked at me oddly and told me the bus was here.  So I stood up and hurriedly boarded the bus, but in my eagerness to get on board, two things happened:  1) She noticed me and turned away, with a frown on her face.  2) my clothes somehow got all left behind.  So I boarded the bus with nothing but a towel around my waist.

In the bus, my family was there.  My mom and dad were on the rearmost seat.  My brother, Ate Ives, and the two kids Sophie and Jam were there on the next row.  And finally it was me and Tracy.  Behind us, a lot of other people.   This was the part that got painfully frustrating for me.  In the dream, my mom suddenly starts talking about how, "It is annoying how you have these people who think they have the right to be married."

I realized suddenly she was referring to marriage being given as a right to gay people like me.  Suddenly I realized that was why we were in Canada.  In the dream, it was to attend the wedding of someone, and there happened to also be a wedding between two guys in the horizon.

I spoke up, "I think it is more about how sad that there are people who think others should not have that right."

My mom, in the dream, shook her head and said, "Ay, I will say no more about it."

But this time I pressed on.

"You know how back in the older times, women were not permitted to work, or show their clothing, or how pork and shellfish was not permitted, or how playing with pig skin was even seen as wrong.  These are all in the Bible too.  But now, these are either considered normal or acceptable.  Why?  Because they REVISED it."

My mom chided in, "Exactly they revised it... but no one has revised that gay people should.."

I interrupted, "But that's my point.  The only reason people view that we can't get married is because no one has revised it yet.  All are just falling back on the "it is traditionally seen as wrong" as an excuse.  There is no actual logical reasoning behind it.  And that's what is sad."

My mom, in the dream, looked away in contained disappointment.

I still pressed on.  "Women made a stand.  They expected equality, and perhaps it hasn't been fully won, but it has been enough that women do have the freedom to get jobs now.  Women do have a recognizable role now outside just being the housewife.  Women gained a voice.    Now, it is our turn to gain a voice.   Our turn to expect revisions to what has simply been excused away as tradition.  It is our turn to be given the right to be treated as equally as EVERYONE ELSE."

They remained silent.  I felt so angry I wanted to scream.
But then I woke up...

... to a phone call from my Mom reminding me I had to go to Paranaque today for my Dad's birthday mass and dinner.   Yep.  Can you imagine the struggle I felt with my emotions being raw that moment and the phone in my hand just a few key presses away from contacting her.  Gah.  I didn't answer.  I just cooled my head off, then texted back, "I'll be there."

That was in some ways cathartic.  But in some ways, a reminder of the truth of where I do stand in life so far.  I am very happy to be sharing my life with rOckY.  I am very lucky to be with a family that still accepts and loves me.  I am very fortunate to have lived my life as I have, with every single experience adding up to what made me who I am.  But I shouldn't forget that there are still some emotional issues that are, out of courtesy or whatever other reasons, do stay mum about their own emotional conflicts with me.  And that's just the way it really is.  People deal with things in their own way.

And maybe, just maybe, we all learn to open our eyes a little bit more.
See the bigger picture.  And embrace what truly is best for everyone.

For now...

Alas, it seems someone has coughed up the cash to pay the reservation fee for the dream house Rocky and I were excited to get.  So it seems, either the world has an even better place waiting for us, or the current people are planing to hold on to the house and end up choosing to sell it again once Rocky and I are ready with the money.

Why am I talking such nonsense?  Because I don't believe it is nonsense.
Ever since I met Rocky, I've been constantly reminded by events in our relationship about how everything literally does happen for a reason.  Cancelled concerts, slight miscommunications, moments that test us, and even the loss of things, places, and people dear to us have all had their own reasons for happening.  For some, it can be an emotional reason that needed to go its course.  For others, a mental reason that needed to be played out.  And others, a physical tangible reason that is necessary for what came next to occur.

Everything happens for a reason.

And so, while it does feel saddening to learn that the house we both pretty much pegged our dream house is now likely to end up owned by someone else, I am not giving up.  I do believe we will find the house that we are intended to call our home.  And I still am very thankful for the many friends who offered their support, if not offered new job opportunities for me to try to increase my cash flow for the eventual purchase of our home.

The search continues.
The gathering of work continues as well.

And soon.
Rocky and I will find the place where we were meant to live the rest of our lives.
A place we can grow old together.
A place where we can say, "Yes, this is where we belong."

Thank you for your continued support, everyone.

Can you help us make this come true?

I SOOOOOO love the Kitchen.

Rocky and I found a house we can dare call our dream house.

The place is pretty awesome, with two floors, a fantastic kitchen, a nice spacious living room, parking for two cars, a cool balcony for any smoking guests, a really cute cabinet-hidden bodega under the stairs, and even a possible makeshift garden area in the back.  Honestly, it is a wonderful find given it is within Cubao and quite accessible for both cars and public transport with just enough street-level adjustment to avoid flooding.

I want to be able to call it our home.
I really do.

Rocky surprised me one morning with this change in status.

But admittedly, it is a tad outside my comfortable price range.  Alone.
It is also outside Rocky's price range.  Alone.

Together, however, the dream becomes a bit more reachable.

But not without help.

Buying a house and lot is always a huge commitment that requires both dedication and a clear mind.  The cash amounts involved can make anyone's head spin.  The bigger picture of being responsible for an actual house, which includes everything from maintenance, to security, can be staggering.  And most of all, there's the decision of whose name the house will be under.

And here's where I need your help, my dear readers.

Here in the Philippines, there is still no official way to get married to your gay partner.
Boasting itself as the remaining Catholic country in South East Asia, the Church still has a very strong stance against homosexual unions.  And the government is still pretty much in its infancy when it comes to gay rights.  Now, my partner Rocky and I have been together for over two years now, and to be frank, have realized that we have found the person we are excited to spend the rest of our lives with.    Neither of us have any plans nor dreams of ever migrating to another country either.

Lasalle + Ateneo = Love

In this country, where we cannot get married, we realize sharing this house, in official documents as the named co-owners is the closest thing we can get to a formal official symbol of our union.  Like a marriage, the title of the house becomes an official document that will require from us to stay "together" in this decision, to work  as a couple through anything life may throw at us, and to "raise" this house and care for it, and develop it for the years to come.  This house, in many ways, is our "Philippine gay marriage".

We're definitely contacting our parents to help us in making this a reality.  In many ways, I personally am already expecting some resistance.  My parents, as loving and caring and open-minded as they have been about my coming out and my relationship with Rocky, are still hoping for me to find the right girl.  Those are points scored for my being a true bisexual I guess.  I hope they can see that this desire to share this house with Rocky is me saying, "Yes Mom and Dad, I'm looking at this relationship as something for the rest of my life.  This is pretty much like us getting married.  Will you help me in doing my part to make this a reality?"

How can you readers help out?

I would love to have more avenues and ways to earn additional income to help with the coming bills and expenses.  Unlike Rocky, I have been unemployed for quite some time after working a long stint as a Senior Art Director and a Graphic Artist for ABS-CBN Global Limited.  I had quit work in hopes of continuing my dream of a film career, but had to put that in hold to help out in the family business, a "help out" that continues to occupy most of my time which I could have had used instead working in a new job.  Not content with this, and knowing I had to do my share in handling the bills and such, I succeeded in finding a job as a freelance writer for a major entertainment network, writing for them and sending them copy work through the net.    The pay isn't big, but it does help me settle the bills.    I know, however, that if I want this dream house to become a reality, I have to up my game.  I have to bring in more money somehow and that's where you readers can help me out.

The easiest would be to be given writing or art-related contractual work offers.  I have an extensive range of experience when it comes to advertising, having worked for more than six years at an international company, creating print, televised and new media advertising that targeted audiences and markets in Europe, Middle East, United States and Japan.  I've made quite a large range of design work as well, from websites, to banners, logos, billboards, full page ads, ezines, vhs and dvd covers as well as web and television commercials.  I can do freehand artwork, photo manipulations and mixed media.  I've directed and acted in some short films and I used to even host a webshow called Fandom Live! for a few years.  I also do webcomics, ranging from whimsical to dark and broody.  I've written poetry, short stories and while this is starting to sound like a resume, I've decide against posting an actual resume because I want to keep this blog post personal and honest, rather than professional and formal sounding.

Thank you for reading!

I'm looking at trying to create pdfs on role-playing games, given it the biggest hobby and passion I have.  I'm also considering making small ebooks or enovels to have sold for the Kindle and the like, once I find a way to do so.  Maybe even online comics like my last one, but this time aimed to generate income.  Honestly, anything to help boost my income a tad more, without affecting the two responsibilities I already am juggling.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough.  But I do hope someone out there might have some ideas (or offers).  Once, I had a dream to do movies.  Too many things stood in the way and I was forced to sacrifice it, believing I needed to help my family first.  Now, for this, I think its time for me to shoot for the moon and reach for my dream.

For our dream.

Can you help me make it happen?