Sighs... Someday..

I really hope to someday have a chance to marry the man I love.
Please, Rest of the World, help me make it happen.

Marriage is for all.

Happy Pride Everyone!

I'm Antonio Gabriel A. Abad IV, 34 years old

and I am proud to be a bisexual man in an committed, honest, loving gay relationship 

with my partner, Rocky Sunico.

(Rocky, me and our friend's baby.)

Happy Pride Everyone!

At our favorite haunt.

Being wacky while travelling.

The plaaaaane!

Attending a friend's wedding.

Geeking out with my dad over the Star Trek movie.

My first ever picture of Rocky.

Me on our second night of hanging out.

Can you help us make this come true?

I SOOOOOO love the Kitchen.

Rocky and I found a house we can dare call our dream house.

The place is pretty awesome, with two floors, a fantastic kitchen, a nice spacious living room, parking for two cars, a cool balcony for any smoking guests, a really cute cabinet-hidden bodega under the stairs, and even a possible makeshift garden area in the back.  Honestly, it is a wonderful find given it is within Cubao and quite accessible for both cars and public transport with just enough street-level adjustment to avoid flooding.

I want to be able to call it our home.
I really do.

Rocky surprised me one morning with this change in status.

But admittedly, it is a tad outside my comfortable price range.  Alone.
It is also outside Rocky's price range.  Alone.

Together, however, the dream becomes a bit more reachable.

But not without help.

Buying a house and lot is always a huge commitment that requires both dedication and a clear mind.  The cash amounts involved can make anyone's head spin.  The bigger picture of being responsible for an actual house, which includes everything from maintenance, to security, can be staggering.  And most of all, there's the decision of whose name the house will be under.

And here's where I need your help, my dear readers.

Here in the Philippines, there is still no official way to get married to your gay partner.
Boasting itself as the remaining Catholic country in South East Asia, the Church still has a very strong stance against homosexual unions.  And the government is still pretty much in its infancy when it comes to gay rights.  Now, my partner Rocky and I have been together for over two years now, and to be frank, have realized that we have found the person we are excited to spend the rest of our lives with.    Neither of us have any plans nor dreams of ever migrating to another country either.

Lasalle + Ateneo = Love

In this country, where we cannot get married, we realize sharing this house, in official documents as the named co-owners is the closest thing we can get to a formal official symbol of our union.  Like a marriage, the title of the house becomes an official document that will require from us to stay "together" in this decision, to work  as a couple through anything life may throw at us, and to "raise" this house and care for it, and develop it for the years to come.  This house, in many ways, is our "Philippine gay marriage".

We're definitely contacting our parents to help us in making this a reality.  In many ways, I personally am already expecting some resistance.  My parents, as loving and caring and open-minded as they have been about my coming out and my relationship with Rocky, are still hoping for me to find the right girl.  Those are points scored for my being a true bisexual I guess.  I hope they can see that this desire to share this house with Rocky is me saying, "Yes Mom and Dad, I'm looking at this relationship as something for the rest of my life.  This is pretty much like us getting married.  Will you help me in doing my part to make this a reality?"

How can you readers help out?

I would love to have more avenues and ways to earn additional income to help with the coming bills and expenses.  Unlike Rocky, I have been unemployed for quite some time after working a long stint as a Senior Art Director and a Graphic Artist for ABS-CBN Global Limited.  I had quit work in hopes of continuing my dream of a film career, but had to put that in hold to help out in the family business, a "help out" that continues to occupy most of my time which I could have had used instead working in a new job.  Not content with this, and knowing I had to do my share in handling the bills and such, I succeeded in finding a job as a freelance writer for a major entertainment network, writing for them and sending them copy work through the net.    The pay isn't big, but it does help me settle the bills.    I know, however, that if I want this dream house to become a reality, I have to up my game.  I have to bring in more money somehow and that's where you readers can help me out.

The easiest would be to be given writing or art-related contractual work offers.  I have an extensive range of experience when it comes to advertising, having worked for more than six years at an international company, creating print, televised and new media advertising that targeted audiences and markets in Europe, Middle East, United States and Japan.  I've made quite a large range of design work as well, from websites, to banners, logos, billboards, full page ads, ezines, vhs and dvd covers as well as web and television commercials.  I can do freehand artwork, photo manipulations and mixed media.  I've directed and acted in some short films and I used to even host a webshow called Fandom Live! for a few years.  I also do webcomics, ranging from whimsical to dark and broody.  I've written poetry, short stories and while this is starting to sound like a resume, I've decide against posting an actual resume because I want to keep this blog post personal and honest, rather than professional and formal sounding.

Thank you for reading!

I'm looking at trying to create pdfs on role-playing games, given it the biggest hobby and passion I have.  I'm also considering making small ebooks or enovels to have sold for the Kindle and the like, once I find a way to do so.  Maybe even online comics like my last one, but this time aimed to generate income.  Honestly, anything to help boost my income a tad more, without affecting the two responsibilities I already am juggling.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough.  But I do hope someone out there might have some ideas (or offers).  Once, I had a dream to do movies.  Too many things stood in the way and I was forced to sacrifice it, believing I needed to help my family first.  Now, for this, I think its time for me to shoot for the moon and reach for my dream.

For our dream.

Can you help me make it happen?

Royal wedding? Meh. We need Equality

Let the rest of you celebrate this "royal" wedding.
All I care about right now is the fact that we still aren't allowed the same rights others have.

I'll cheer the "royal" wedding when gay marriage is made legal and recognized.  I do not support the idea we "common serfs" are not allowed the same rights.



It is only fair to want to be treated fairly.
I refuse to "see happiness" by just ignoring the reality for one day.
Those who enjoy it, good for you.   But please, don't try to convince me their wedding is something I should care about.  It is not going to happen.

I'm Sorry You Are Stuck With... Him.

Love, they say, means never having to say you are sorry.


Personally, I think that is one of the most idiotic and selfish ways to view love.  That ranks pretty high up there, almost equal to the idea that in love, the other person has to accept you as who you are with not a single change required at all.

And that's why you're lonely.
Or why others pity your partner.

What a huge steaming pot of cow offal these adages are!

First of all, even if you are in a loving, honest and responsible relationship, if you in any way mess up or do something wrong, then by the powers that be you better fess up and apologize to your partner.  It does not matter if your partner is socially-inept, image-conscious, uneducated, weathly-rich-spoiled, uglier than your penis warts or more beautiful than the love child of Papa P and whoever becomes his Mama, if you do something that insults him, abuses his trust, makes him look stupid, wastes his time, or worse, plays with his heart, then apologize for your lack of actual intelligence in doing it.  The act of realizing and accepting one's guilt and role in a mistake is crucial in a proper relationship to work.  So you woke up late to show up at a date?  Apologize!  Fess up as to why you did not sleep earlier and be man enough to say you are sorry.    Or maybe you somehow started a small white lie, like claimed to call your partner open-minded enough to let you fuck around, and now the lie has reached his ears and the world can see he never really saw things that way... would you really have the gall to believe you had every right to do what you wanted because in a relationship, the man you claim to love and have labelled an idiot to all your conquests should accept you as who you are?

Or rather, as WHAT you are?

Because if you are going to act like a self-centered manipulative bastard, your partner has every right to punch your lights out and call you exactly what you are.

If you are guilty, you better admit you are.
Only then does a "Sorry" really have worth.

Many counter that love requires compromise.  This is true.  But the sad thing about this truth is many stretch it too far into realms beyond actual compromise.  For example, compromise is cutting down on going out since your partner wants to stay home on some nights.   Compromise is smoking outside the house since your partner is asthmatic.  Compromise is not owning a pet since your partner is actually phobic to the said animal.

Those are proper compromises.  Those are compromises that happen in a relationship where communication actually happens.

"I thought you were just living with your ex... oh."

Compromise is not sleeping with anyone you want to since the other has never complained about it.    Compromise is not letting your partner sleep around because you are afraid to complain and mess things up and end up living life alone.  Compromise is not giving up on your hobby or dreams because your money is needed to pay your partner's extracurricular needs.  Especially when those needs are fickle expenses that he should, had he had any real-male balls between his thighs and actual contents where his brain should be, be responsible enough to curb if he can't afford on his own.

Admittedly, many people have dreams of living a carefree life.   Marry rich and die happy, they say.  Find a wealthy foreigner to foot your bills for the rest of your life.  Better yet, make sure you find someone who is afraid to be left alone.  In the straight side of things, this was very prevalent towards women.  Find a handsome rich man.  It doesn't matter if you don't really like him, you will be happy with him.  He has money. Get pregnant before he escapes.  Horrible.  Simply horrible.  Did these parents ever realize they were telling their own daughters to give up being people and just sell their vaginas to the closest man with a hefty wallet?

Makes me wanna Expose, Educate, Inspire people who think they're already perfect.
Perfectly messed up and selfish, if you ask me.

And strangely, many gay guys have embraced the very same idea.    They want to live Eat-Pray-Whatever the Fuck that book is called lives where they splurge money needlessly on quests to find themselves when their real problems were issues with them not being honest to themselves.    And before you even try to peg it on me, I have nothing against rich people or foreigners.   I do have huge issues with gold diggers.  Especially those who believe they DESERVE the other person's hard earned money.

Does he know you measure him based on his monetary worth?

A relationship requires a real sense of balance.  
And understandably, how that is defined differs from couple to couple.  I know of long term couples that have opened their doors to having sex with others.  The beauty of this?  Full disclosure.  No lies about being single to net the next cutie.  No slanderous excuses given to explain away the "room mate."  Real open relations where one tells dated guy he is actually in a relationship but the partner is open to the idea.  And the partner himself does the same thing.  Equity.  Balance.

Some how, that seems so hard to accept for most people.
So they do what is easier.  They lie.  They invent.  They tell their loved ones how special they are, then ask for money to go out and find someone new to fuck.  And that someone later on will have to discover to his horror  his hook up happens to be taken.  And the loved one learns as far as the hook up was concerned, he didn't exist... well until shit hit the fan.  So many lies.  Layer and layer that when sprung, can destroy trust that took years to earn.   That can destroy all the joyful memories that were built through the months.  Or years.

Why are you so afraid to be yourself?

It makes me wonder why bother lying?
Why not be honest to your partner?  Why not admit your needs?  Or insecurities?  Or fears?  Why not work though everything AS a couple?  After all, that is what you want to be right?  A couple?

Love is means you say sorry.  But most of the time, you won't really have to.
Well, you won't if you are doing your part.

Love fuels a relationship, after all.
And if you're not really doing your share to keeping a relationship running...

The best liars are the ones who believe their own lies.

.. you are not in Love.
So just admit it.
Don't add another layer to the lies you might already struggle to hide.

Again, Kylie speaks volumes of this.

Be honest from the start.
Full disclosure.  Better, after all, as Kylie said the devil you know.
And you will see how easy it becomes to be sensitive and true to one another.

But even French Fries deserve to be happy.
The birds though, they should learn to be content.

Saying sorry becomes a rare event.
Because there are fewer times you will ever need to say it.

When the Stereotypes Take Over

While I admit I found this video introspectively amusing, I can only take so much jokes in this manner.  I still feel that sometimes people just need to wake up and see past the stereotypes and misconceptions of what makes us all unique and yet similar to each other.  Steve Hughes is great though in reminding us that gay or straight, the stereotypes are what we tend to think of rather than the truth.



Gay, Straight, Bisexual, ultimately it doesn't matter who we love or choose to sleep with.
What matter more are our morals.  Our values.  Our character.

When people ask me if I am sure about being in a gay relationship (which I guess is in reference to my being bisexual:  The option to have a relationship with a woman is "always" there.) I find myself struggling not to find insult in the question.  Why find insult?  Because for me, it feels tantamount to being told, "Are you sure there's a point in being in your relationship?"  The general view of most people (and sadly this also includes many non-straights as well) is that homosexual relationships rarely have the fortitude to last long.  Reasons range from stupid ("Because they are immoral and unnatural.  How can you expect it to last long?") to selfish ("Because there are so many cocks to try, why limit yourself?") to downright sad ("Because they just don't.  No law to compel them to last.  No children to trap you together.")

Imagine how much better their lives would have been had they just admitted what they felt
and embraced that love, ignoring all the fear, expectations and hate of others.

But people, really now.   Open your eyes.  A relationship and its strength and fortitude are based not on such pathetic excuses and over-generalized opinions.  The power of two people loving each other is limited only by the willingness of the two to make things last.   If you really feel that the only reason you haven't left your partner/husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is because of a law, a social expectation, a child, a religious ruling) then frankly, you aren't really in a relationship. You are in a trap.

Find the person who makes you feel that you are who you are because you were meant to be who you are.  Find the person who embraces you and loves you and tells you how you make his life just as meaningful and loved.    Find the person who expects from you no less than what he gives you.  The person who is willing to share his life with you, and lovingly allows you to be part of his.

You deserve to be loved.
You will find someone who deserves you too.

True love means no one has to stay home alone.

Cause think about it:  Money runs out.  Laws change.  Beauty fades.   Even skill can eventually be lost.
But if you find that person who truly honestly fully loves you, none of those will matter.

I hope you find the courage to do what you must.
And the joy of finding who you are meant to be with.

Guess what, it gets EVEN BETTER.

I love you, Rocky Sunico.

These are not engagement rings or wedding rings.

But they do hold meaning in our commitment as partners.

Every day just keeps getting better.