How NOT to try to hit on someone else's boyfriend.

So, one delightful morning, Prince, Rocky and I were having a great simple breakfast when this arrives in my facebook messages folder:

Clearly, some one out there

1) Saw my picture and liked what he saw

2) Ignored the fact I mention I am in a relationship

3) Is ignorant of the fact how wonderful my relationship is given I practically announce how much I love the two men in my life every single day

4) Was a mutual contact to Prince

(btw, click the images to see all details)

So of course thinking it was just some friend of Prince's who was possibly making a very stupid joke, I asked Prince if he knew him.  The answer was "No" so I realized it was probably one of those kind of moments when fans added Prince (He is a poi dancer/performer after all) and he just accepted them.  Letting him know about the message, Prince couldn't help but post in his wall.

Which leads to this beautiful display of how self delusions can clearly display the tactics of a desperate soul.

Screen cap continues...

Not content with failing to ever seduce me, the poor sod then tries to malign Prince and affect the relationship with another self deluded lie.  Sadly, we three know far better.

So there you have it folks.
Another classic case of stalker syndrome with a beautiful display of self delusion.
So to all of you out there active in networks like PG4M, Planet Romeo, or Grindr, keep that name in mind.  You may want to avoid having this freak on your radar.

Had he just apologized from the start, things would have been better.  But alas, given the libelous nature of his slanderous remarks, I had to post these in my blog.  Bad enough he supposedly is in a relationship and yet trying to hook up with me, but he makes shit up about my boyfriend in a failed attempt to fuck us up.  So yeah world, feel free to steer away from this one.

You'll thank me for it.


EDIT: 8pm
Guess what, he still hasn't stopped.
Talk about sad.
There are really sad people out there.

A host of messages I wish I could say

In this era of social networking, one can easily get a glimpse of the lives of one's friends through their newsfeeds and updates.   While this is mostly good and cool in keeping in touch, it does also at times place one in the strange zone of knowing more than one wanted to know.  Or worse, feeling the urge to offer unsolicited advice for friends who clearly are doing things the wrong way.

But since unsolicited advice is never welcomed, I decided to just write this open blog post and dedicate them to the many people who will probably NEVER read this page anyway since they are absorbed right now by what they believe to be insurmountable problems of their own.

So yeah, let's begin:

If you think the relationship is that fucked up, then by all that is right and holy, end it.  You do deserve better.  And guess what, so does your partner.

Stop looking for love by going to a gay club and flirting with strangers.  You'll have a better chance meeting new people through friends at parties, or contacting someone online with a clear declaration of wanting to get to know each other and not sleep together as a first intention.

If you caused your own damned problem, stop whining about it on the social network, then getting angry when people point out it is your fault.

No, we're not talking about you.  But yes, it is amusing to know you still read everything I post as about you.

Don't worry too much.  Your work will always be as successful.  You have true talent.  And an innate ability to reach out and touch people's lives.

I'm sorry you're in your situation.  But I'm no longer in any position to help you have a better life.  You had your chance.

Seriously, look in the mirror.  Keep your eyes open this time.

It ain't escape when its leaving someplace that keeps you from being happy and taking steps towards taking back responsibility for your own life.

Reasonable to Reconnect

I've heard loads of excuses and reasons in my time.

Yes, you've heard it right.  Rocky and I have decided to become active in the revived Pinoy G4M webforum after being invited by one of their administrators to a sandwich party.   And so far, I do not have any complaints. There is always something nice about being back in touch with a network of people who share some of one's interests.  While Rocky and I have been delightfully part of the geek circles (ranging from Via Astris to Lost in the Philippines, all part of the New Worlds Alliance) as well as gaming circles, our range of gay friends has been in many ways reflected by those we either have already known for quite some time, or were ties through our respective exes (in many ways a combination of both).   I will have to admit that a large part of my choosing to stop being part of the gay social networks was the exhaustion that came with fending off far too many inquiries from total strangers if I was a top or willing to have sex.    Somehow, the idea that I was still on the network was enough reason to assume I was willing to play around even if I was clearly stating my presence was merely one seeking to find new friends.

Not everyone is a social manipulator.  Some of us are really just shy.

So yeah, after ceasing to be part of any for quite some time, we're back online and part of the network and barely a week in, we've already met some fun people who are quite entertaining to toss back and forth ideas and anecdotes.  While the flirtatious exchanges are still there, it is nice to see how a much larger majority of the messages sent around are more intellectually stimulating than not.  Already, a thread from another friend has created an "event" based on the Singapore PINK DOT 2011 YouTube video.  And even more interestingly is the small, but still present, interest that has been gained in being more active in the next Pride March.  (It is sad though that the location of the Singapore event prohibits foreigners from being part of the dot itself.  But that's life I guess.)

While we're not allowed to be part of the Singapore PINK DOT event,
we can still show our own support for the Freedom to Love.

As expected, there are already some who tease me as being a snob.  I don't blame them.  As social as I can get in face-to-face interactions, when meeting people for the very first time (and possibly up to the third time), I can be quite a challenge to connect with if the event is one which I am not typically comfortable with.  I tend to be a social mirror, adapting to a situation and following the trends of discussion, in such events - and unfortunately when faced with a group that seems to be familiar with everyone else save me, that strategy falters since most discussions become more of the inside-joke sort of talk.   But rest assured, given time, I'm sure some people will warm up to me and realize I'm not as snobbish as I may have projected myself.    People who easily and quickly connect with me, however, soon discover how much low maintenance a friend I actually am.   Rocky and I actually reconnected on G4M after merely seeing each other in brief instances during the New Worlds convention in Makati.    Neither of us expected the immensity of a connection we'd feel when we finally would meet face-to-face.

Rainbows can be different, after all.

But yeah, I am expecting that soon enough there would be some who wouldn't be too keen on having me now as part of the PinoyG4M site.  From experience, there will always be people who would find me and my strong opinions about certain things as something to complain against.  I've known of times when people misinterpret my friendliness as "come ons" and even know of two instances where a full-fledged narrative of a nonexistent relationship had already been created by the other party, and is still being cited as a reason to hate me.  But I guess that's why we queers are fruits; there will always be the good apples, and the bad ones.

Individuals meeting together = network

Overall, being back and active on PinoyG4M is a good feeling.  While I don't foresee it being an avenue for any hookups or what not (hello?  I'm happily with someone.)   I do excitedly look forward to finding more friends and possibly creating a bigger circle for gay geeks to share their thoughts on their favorite fandoms and games.  Maybe even someday drag them over to the Sietch for a party or to attend the next Open gaming meet?

It is not my fault you read my stuff. But clearly, you do.

I guess some people just love to think the world revolves around them.
Even worse.
Some people so desperately want to make others think MY world revolves around them.

Yes, you probably even think Global Warming is because you're too "hot."

I know I can hold very strong opinions about things.  I know some people have found me to be at times a tad too proud or too intellectual about certain aspects of life, gay or otherwise.  I know I can be very vocal about how much I hate this movie, or how much I found that politician to be abusive, and in many ways I make no apologies for that.  Perhaps me choosing to see sleeping-around-with-every-possible-hot-guy as an idiotic and disgusting lifestyle rubs off the wrong way towards some people.  For certain my having no love or understanding for people who devote their lives in the pursuit of spending someone else's hard-earned cash has not won me awards in the eyes of many others.

As they say in Filipino, "Bato bato sa langit..."

I can have blog posts about how pathetic a movie remake was and have the same passionate anger towards how I overheard a certain couple is having a guest over and that guest happens to be a "FUCK YOU" to certain people... and to mock these people further, create a profile pic of them together.   When I share my opinion, I don't hide it behind a facade of friendliness or disguise it under a clearly false attempt at looking classy.  Class isn't purchased with francs, I'm afraid.  Neither is respect.

That big?

But what amuses me the most is how for some people, EVERYTHING I post is supposedly about them.  And worse, the same said people post self-affirming delusions in hopes of counter-acting my blog or status update posts.    I don't even have those people as contacts in my social networks.  I never even shared to those people my blog addresses.  But somehow, every now and then, a little bird (also known as mutual contacts I shall, for their sake, leave unnamed) whispers to me about how "Mr. Gollum got insulted by your post about him."  Or how "Mrs. Leech is really angry right now, so hope you don't bump into the bitch."   And when these little whispers reach me, I find myself many times wondering, "What?!?" because those said people aren't even part of my daily notice.  Heck, they aren't even part of my weekly notice.


But clearly, they would like to be.
And that amuses me.


I once posted out of frustration a status update about how admitting guilt is the first step to properly asking forgiveness.  Pretty general post, I felt.   My rant was directed at some political-religious issue which you may have heard of:  how the Church admitted they were hiding pedophiles, and recommending nuns that got pregnant should get abortions.  It didn't take long before another little bird came a chirping.

"Tweet tweet"   But I don't use Twitter.

"Tobie, XXX is angry.  Why don't you just let it slide?"


I shot back a message, "What? What are you talking about?"


"Let it slide.  XXX has moved on already.  You should do the same."


Once again, XXX thinks it was all about him.  And worse, got even his own friends to think I was writing about him.    Oooookay.  Someone needs to take a chill pill.  Better yet, stuff one down his throat.

Supposedly there are hordes of people who hate my guts, even if they never heard bad stuff about me from you.
So these people just happen to think I'm an asshole and they all happen to be your friends.   Suuuuuure.

Another time, I got a message from a concerned friend who decided to contact me because YYY was bemoaning how my posts ruined his day.  The friend asked me why I felt I had to say such things about YYY and how YYY was "stopping his friends" from confronting me.  I blinked my eyes a few times to confirm I wasn't dreaming, then asked the concerned friend, "YYY thinks my posts are about him?  Why the hell would I even care to make YYY part of my blog.  Do people normally keep shit in their photo albums?"  Concerned friend tried not to laugh but perhaps in a misguided attempt to be constructive suggested, "Maybe you should just think about your updates, how they might be misconstrued to be about YYY and rewrite them if need be?"


I was aghast.  I felt insulted.
I posted a status post in reply.


"I will not censor myself for the paranoia of others."


Why should I?  Why should the pathetic paranoia of someone who doesn't even matter my life dictate how I write my updates?  Why should I stop writing about how certain things like infidelity, insensitivity, selfishness, lies, self-centeredness, and many others are things I hate just because some people out there are clearly feeling guilty of such things, are getting emotionally affected by them, and somehow think their silent admission of being guilty as charged in this hierarchy of sins allows them to spin their friends around to painting me as a bad guy... when all I am doing is actually just saying what I think in general.

Don't hate me for being happy.
Take steps to get better.

Do I have to get to the point where I be more honest to get my point across?  About how some of these friends don't realize how they get badmouthed by the same person they defend?  Or how some have been explained away as having "mental issues" as a reason they aren't voicing out any complaints about certain lifestyles?  If my posts and updates were seeking to accomplish dirt-digging blind items, by God I have many I can choose to say.  But again, that's would have been assuming those people mattered at all.   I don't care if others choose to live their lives in their perfectly woven web of lies, spinning their own friends around with layers of well-constructed manipulations to get what they want.  That their life.

You don't want me to blog about you.  

But no, no one gets to tell me I cannot voice out how disgusted I am of that kind of a lifestyle.  Just as no one gets to tell another person that he has no right hating rap music.  Or that you cannot say in your own blog how much you think Twilight was stupid and seems to promote an unhealthy lifestyle.  No one gets to tell me to censor myself just because the things I hate happen to be the lifestyle he or she proudly leads.   Anyone can freely have their own opinions about the same things.  They can love being the kabit for all I care.  They can celebrate having cash cows they can habitually milk cash out from.  They can even have a fireworks filled fucking parade for all I care to commemorate stabbing your friends in the back and sleeping with people they cared about.  That's your life.  If you're happy living in that kind of shit, then good for you.  It is the happiness YOU deserve.


You don't get to ask me to shut up for being in such a better place.

No need to say it.

I was tempted to end this blog with the song from Lady Carly.  But I decided that there was no need.
I already know you do.   You know who you are, reading this blog and already making more buzzing about how I've "once again" blogged about you.   


And the most amusing thing?  You aren't alone.  There's at least two of you who somehow live in this delusion that my blog posts are about "you specifically" and yet there's at least two of you who make that claim.


I hope you all realize someday how sad that is.

Reading Between the Updates

The foundations of a relationship can sometimes be gleaned by simply keeping a keen eye on what either of the two seem to celebrate the most.    While a great connection and a rich sex life are both vital to a relationship, one can discern quite easily by glancing at the details what one or the other celebrates the most in their relationship.  It is in such introspections that social media such as Mark Zuckerberg's blue logo monstrosity, Facebook.com, or one's blog can be much more revealing than one expects.

Who needs to worry about losing one's privacy to Facebook
when we're all too willing to already over-share information?

I know of a pair who when I first heard of them was talked about as the perfect sweetest couple EVER.   In many ways, their relationship was deemed to be a prime example of a perfect gay long term relationship.  But then in the scant number of months leading to their break-up, it was quiet evident that all their posts were about themselves and their own INDIVIDUAL celebrations of life.    Updates tended to focus on how one, rather than both, or even at least one talking about the other, enjoyed their day.

"Hit the gym.  Feeling good.  I love today."

"Decided to catch the latest Bond movie.  Should be fun."

"Got a haircut.  Love my new look."

Me.  I.  All about the person and not about them.  All about enjoying life alone.
I couldn't help but wonder when I read them, "Where they not ever together?!?!?"  At one point, the two ate at some Italian restaurant.  Their updates then followed.

"Had delicious pasta today.  Love the food here!"

Came one update.  Okay, so he was enjoying his night... even if it sounded alone.

The other, around the same time, sent this update:

"Bored.   Anxious to go home.  Good food at least."

And again, barely any hint of being together. 

Maybe it was a case of being in the closet.  Or maybe it was a hint that the other wasn't too keen on where they decided to go that night.  But one would have thought the updates would have at least hinted that they were hanging out at the same place.


When things fell south, many were devastated.  To many, it was unthinkable.  How could they have ended such a "perfect" relationship?  I didn't even bat an eyelash.  I could see it a mile away.  They were too happy with their own lives they did not really enjoy sharing it with one another.

Yep, the POKE icon is actually a hidden taunt at what you are.

Another pair I heard of is a stranger mix.  While I don't know them personally, the mutual friends who we share often tell me of what they read in their newsfeed.  Supposedly, the updates that flow have a clear theme.  Travel.  Expensive things.  Costly food.  Outlandish indulgences.  While living a money-landen life is not bad in any way, celebrating them alone does make one wonder:  what is the other doing other than financing all this?    Even worse, all these celebratory posts are to cheer about "they are mine" rather than "we now own this!"  In some ways, I've tried to be more open-minded about such relationships, but deep down I fear the day when the shit hits the fan.  Somehow I already can tell if things go south, "How do we survive this" will come only after the question, "What do I keep?"


Then, there is this pair I know of which loves to play the switcharoo game in their social network updates.  The two are greatly in love and passionately care for one another, but due to personal reasons are openly exploring having sex with other partners.   My feelings on open relationships aside, I am happy that they do at least keep an honest and open flow of communication between them - honestly sharing if they found someone interesting and discussing whether or not it is alright to have fun with the said person or not.  None of the "I'll claim to be single/your ex" manipulations in play.  So their social network updates are tailored to hit the said "market".  I applaud them for their courage in choosing to wade in what I feel is potentially dangerous waters.  The risk of tearing apart trust can be tremendously detrimental to a long term partnership.


I do however pity the poor soul who becomes the victim of their united front.    I can only hope that the poor sod at least is given a clear understanding of what the situation is, and isn't lead on to think he's in a relationship with a single man.

To quote, Sharleen Spiteri and Johnny McElhone,
"You can say what you want, but it won't change my mind, I'll feel the same about you."

And of course there are those who keep their private lives to themselves.  A friend of mine is married and between the two of them, only she had a facebook account.  Her updates are often hilarious, giving an insider glimpse of the industry she works in and she rarely posts actual updates about her husband.   However, on the times that she does, one can easily see the honesty and affection they contain.  No pomp and overly dressed statements that try to make the relationship sound more fantastic than it really is.  Just an honest statement of how well things are between them.

There will always be them liars out there.
Or worse.

Ultimately, people who embrace the idea of having a virtual presence in a social network tend to seek an outlet to share openly things they appreciate and celebrate.  And what these things are can give another a good glimpse of what to expect of the person who wrote those updates.   While it ain't a precise science, I think it wouldn't take a special degree in anything to discern what kind of a guy one would have to be to post affectionate messages aimed anonymously to someone as status messages, when the guy's said partner is clearly someone who supposedly doesn't go online.  Or what to expect from a date with someone whose profile picture still shows him wearing the favorite shirt his ex gave him.   

Sometimes, deny what one wilt, the updates reveal the details indeed.
So if you have a facebook account, well, maybe you ought to take a step back and look at how your updates normally sound.  That may give you a better idea on why some people know you better than you think!

So What Am I Into, then?

Having read my earlier posts, you probably are now wondering what I am then into?
Well, let's see if I can sum it up nicely here.

First of all, I am proudly a geek.

I love fantasy and science fiction (though not necessarily all kinds).  My favorite show is currently Lost.  My favorite movie, however, is American Beauty.  While I'm not into toy collecting, I do have a fondness for a lot of things 80s.  I miss 8-bit graphics, and I still have happy memories of Voltes V, Voltron (the Lions, not the vehicles), Macross, Gai King, Transformers, M.A.S.K., Spiral Zone, and more.  I am neither a Trekker, Trekkie or Star Wars addict, however I do appreciate both franchises.  Just not as much as I do Battlestar Galactica.  

I am a gamer.  I storytell game sessions of White Wolf Gaming Studio's World of Darkness line.  I have had my share of Dungeons and Dragons, but the flexibility and story crafting focus of the WOD appeals to me more than the hack and slash tactical feel of d20.   I still have my odd moments where I run either DC Heroes, Exalted, Children of Fire, Paranoia and more.

I am also a film maker.  I have worked on a few short films and have acted in a few.

I am a writer, with some published work under my name.  I have also written two short plays which have been produced by students from different universities.  I have also won some minor awards.

I am a comics geek.  I love various comics with Vertigo's limited run The Enigma winning first place.  I have a special spot in my heart for WE3, Sandman, Fables, Y The Last Man, Legion of Super Heroes, The Walkin Dead, The earlier Authority run,  Planetary, Shade the Changing Man, David Mack's Kabuki, Carlo Vergara's ZsaZsa Zaturnnah and Tobie Abad's Diliman.

I consider myself an artist even if I have feeble attempts at painting, line art, and computer generated artwork. I tend to have a strange unconventional approach to things.  I tend to come up with looks or designs that seem off-kilter or weird or strange.

I love horror.  Clive Barker hits me in the right spot.  Stephen King has his moments, but at times I feel he's overrated, treading over the same ground over and over again.  I would high recommend High Tension over Hostel.  Or Paranormal Activity over Dawn of the Dead.  I actually liked The Blair Witch Project, but more so because I was in the hype of it being real back when it was released before everyone knew it as some award winning indie film.  I actually enjoyed Cloverfield more than Godzilla.  I still think Freddy Kreuger is king and Jaws is a perfect horror film.  I've been trying to read more.  I used to love reading Banana Yoshimoto and Poppy Z. Brite.  I also had an Anne Rice phase.  Twilight disgusts me.  Wheel of Time puts me to sleep.  I'm now trying to get through Dune, which I am having trouble with not because it is badly written but because it is so well written I find it hard to skim through it too quickly.  Once I'm done, I'm going to whet my appetite with Murakami and Prachett.  I had a Piers Anthony phase too, but that quickly passed.

I love music.  I have over 200 different movie soundtracks and scores simply because I love hearing how people "translate" a story or mood into a song.  I am not that much into classical music although there are some pieces I do appreciate.   I am not into opera, however I do like Carmen and Carmina Burana.  I have my share of musicals, but top on the list is currently In the Heights, Repo a Genetic Opera, Hedwig and the Angry Inch and Rent.  As for musicians, I used to be very much into Tori Amos until she got a band to back her up.  I have a huge spot in my heart for Jason Mraz.  I still love Kylie, Mika, Lily Allen and Ne-Yo.  I am not so much into the divas however (and personally think Mariah Carey is waaaaay over-rated.)  I highly recommend Ingrid Michaelson, Adele, Zee Avi, Maria Mena and Jose Vanders.  Lady Gaga is fun to dance too, funner to watch, but not so much to sing.

I am online most of the time.  I don't like MMORPGs and refuse to see them as roleplaying games.  I tend to be online to be in touch with my friends or to read up on articles and forums I've subscribed to.  I am not much of a chat/webcam/camsex person and frankly, if you are, that's fine.  Just know I tend to really go out of my way to talk only to those who show a genuine interest getting to know me as a friend, rather than just for some one night sexual thing.  I am no longer in any gay social networks.  I quit once I got together with my partner and I see no reason to go back.  Such places 95% of the time are for hookups anyway.  I have Facebook and the like to keep in touch with friends anyway.

I do go out.  I have a very very small list of places that I frequent.  Given the choice, I rather stay home and drink with some friends since that allows me to be comfortable and just have fun.  No problems with people shoving me around.  No problems with drunk jerks making a scene.  Singing is cool.  Dancing is better.  But playing dress up only ever happens if there's enough alcohol and laughter to go around.

I am in a relationship.  My partner is a wonderful, sweet, sexy, intelligent man who shares with me a bond unlike any other.  We have conquered tidal waves and unexpected droughts, and we continue to grow stronger and more passionate each day.  We haven't been together long, but I have no doubts we will be together for much much longer than most expect.  I'd write here the kinds of men and women I find attractive, but I thought it might be best to save that for a future post.  Sadly as of this writing, I am still not out to my parents and family.  However, friends, co-workers and neighbors all know me to be gay.  My partner and I walk around malls holding each others hands.  We kiss when we want to.  We call each other "Love" and other endearments in public without fear or embarrassment.  But until I find the chance to come out to my parents (and more on why I haven't in future posts), I will have to keep things anonymous to some extent online.

For now, however, I hope this paints you a picture of the kind of stuff I am into.