This.

Even better if its to that one single person you're meant to be with.

Quick update...

So yeah, my partner and I found someone who added so much more to our life.    What was that, you don't understand what I mean?  Lemme put it down in simpler words then:

We found a boyfriend who loves us both.

Yep.  There are three of us now in our relationship.  And we all love each other very much.
More on that soon enough.

:-)

We joined this year's Pride March in the Philippines!

rOckY and I, with a LOT of our good friends, took part in this year's Pride March.  This was my second time to be part of the march since last year, I was with my parents and family on a trip to Singapore.  My best friend Tom and his partner Fritz was there, as was my dear diva Grace and her partner Pao, as was Geoff and Allan.  (Thank you Allan for these wonderful pictures!)  rOckY has yet to release our own set of pictures but once those are up, know I'll be sharing the link to them too.

There were many other friends who joined us that day who aren't in these pictures.  Nono, Lanchie, Juna, Markee, Ian, Bern, Pao and so many other friends also made their presence known and their voices heard as we marched down the road with pink balloons, rainbows and love.  Of course, there were protesters against the march there too which was expected.   A little bird told us before that those people are "funded" to protest by certain groups.  Sad really, that people really think hate is the way to live one's life.   There also were companies that showed their support (but part of me does wonder how much is support and how much is selling the idea that you can work for them.  Oh well, businesses will always have the bottom line after all.)   You can find more pictures of the beautiful event here as well.

Check out this video that rOckY took of the march.  Clearly, we were having a LOT of fun.

As I mentioned in my facebook, the Pride March doesn't require attendees to be gay.  All you have to be is someone who wants to voice out that LGBT deserve equal rights.  

Among my many posts include:

Will I see you today, marching alongside me? Will I see you today, being brave enough to make a statement that being who I am is okay?  Or will I have to wait for the day I become a victim of some hate crime before you realize I need your support to have my rights recognized?
Will you March with me this year?

And

Yes, embracing DIVERSITY does mean embracing even the presence of things you don't necessarily like. But that's the beauty of Diversity! There's always something for everyone.

And

Join this year's Pride March. Help show more people that there is nothing to be ashamed about being gay, knowing someone who is gay, being friends with someone who is gay, or simply believing that we all deserve to have the equal right to love who we love.
Help us make a statement. Help us be heard. Hindi lang ang mahirap ang nangangailan ng supporta ninyo. (Not only the poor need your support.)

I do hope next year we get to see even more friends take part in this important event.  I pray that more friends find the courage to join us as we represent the people in the Philippines who believe in equal rights, who believe in the freedom to be happy, and who believe that love is real.

Happy Pride!
See you next year!

The phrasing may be odd...

.. but I get what it wants to say.

Thanks to Rocky for this awesome new profile pic.

Show Me Love...

... and what it is all about.

PG4M Question: Which should come first?

Sex, Love or Friendship?

GG and me developed friendship first.

We allowed each other to get to know one another.

We saw each others strengths and weaknesses.

We saw and shared each other's passions and interests.

Mind you, we already were having feelings for one another, but rather than let feelings take charge in the start, we gave each other a chance to recognize each other's differences and similarities.

The love that bloomed eventually grew so strong, we had to admit we didn't want to be just friends.

And now, we're still together, and still getting stronger.

Recommended movie: Shelter

If you let friendship form before sex, the love that is created is a strong and pure one. 

If you let sex come first before friendship, you'll confuse lust for love and eventually find yourself looking at other people, because you "think" you're in love again with someone else.

That's how I've seen it, that's how I've experienced it, and that's how I am honestly answering this question.

Sex does not equate a relationship.  Or love.

It is just an act, anyone can do, with the right skills.

But love.
And friendship.

This is sooo true.

Those things need to be given time to bloom.  To develop.

To strengthen.

And sex too soon can weaken the foundations that love and friendship take root on.

Thank you, Kylie

Til you visit Manila again.

*hugs*

Check out: Baduy Pride!

Allow me to invite you all to Baduy Pride, http://www.baduypride.com/ a blog my partner, Rocky, and I have created in order to share and celebrate the joy of being Baduy! (Baduy = corny, cheesy, sappy, etc) Hope you guys start following the site!

See you there!

A host of messages I wish I could say

In this era of social networking, one can easily get a glimpse of the lives of one's friends through their newsfeeds and updates.   While this is mostly good and cool in keeping in touch, it does also at times place one in the strange zone of knowing more than one wanted to know.  Or worse, feeling the urge to offer unsolicited advice for friends who clearly are doing things the wrong way.

But since unsolicited advice is never welcomed, I decided to just write this open blog post and dedicate them to the many people who will probably NEVER read this page anyway since they are absorbed right now by what they believe to be insurmountable problems of their own.

So yeah, let's begin:

If you think the relationship is that fucked up, then by all that is right and holy, end it.  You do deserve better.  And guess what, so does your partner.

Stop looking for love by going to a gay club and flirting with strangers.  You'll have a better chance meeting new people through friends at parties, or contacting someone online with a clear declaration of wanting to get to know each other and not sleep together as a first intention.

If you caused your own damned problem, stop whining about it on the social network, then getting angry when people point out it is your fault.

No, we're not talking about you.  But yes, it is amusing to know you still read everything I post as about you.

Don't worry too much.  Your work will always be as successful.  You have true talent.  And an innate ability to reach out and touch people's lives.

I'm sorry you're in your situation.  But I'm no longer in any position to help you have a better life.  You had your chance.

Seriously, look in the mirror.  Keep your eyes open this time.

It ain't escape when its leaving someplace that keeps you from being happy and taking steps towards taking back responsibility for your own life.

Celebrate the Freedom to Love!

Here's to celebrating IDAHO (International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia) this May 17.
http://www.dayagainsthomophobia.org

A friend shared to me this link of how Singapore is taking part in it.  I only wish there was also a more visible way Pinoys can take part in the celebration.

Even Lady Gaga herself is participating.  Here's her quote on the event:

"That Humanity could find Togertherness. We are all different and it is that which makes us the same.  Be yourself, love who you are and be proud. You were born this way, baby."

I'm hoping to take part in the As I Am campaign.  Probably gonna tell Rocky about it once he wakes up.  While I may have had a long part of my life denying who I was and hating who I am, I am proud to have finally come to a point where I can celebrate being me and have no fears of whether or not the world will accept me.

I am me.

My name is Tobie Abad, and I am a bisexual, and I am not afraid to love who I love.

I only hope you can say you have the freedom to love too.

Love. Just Celebrate It.

Can't be Valentine's day without the naysayers.

The Valentine's Day weekend has begun! 

With Mubarak finally stepping down from his throne (about time), Lady Gaga finally releasing her latest song (too Express Yourself for me.  I rather stick to Kylie and Katy), and everyone all around the world celebrating their relationships (or their singlehood) the world seems to be a little bit brighter today.  Amidst the rising gas prices, strange weather shifts and the continued breeding of horrible people, it is nice to know that good things do still happen.   Great things too, although one has to learn to have an eye for them nowadays.  With so much media pushing the misconception that things worth celebrating always need hype and pomp, there seem to be less and less people out there who know how to appreciate the simple good things in life.  Like, why should love only be celebrated on Valentine's day?  Why not make every day a chance to extol the fact you are able to do everything you can, whether it be spend hours surfing the net and chatting with your friends, or minutes watching your favorite shows, or days having the leisure freedom of choosing what to eat, or months of knowing you have a roof over your head.  A common adage others bring up is to think about how many people out there are not as lucky.  I personally feel that's a negative reason to celebrate.  Instead, I'd simply embrace the joys, small or simple or grand, as they are.  There's no need to compare them.  There's no need to rank them.

But if you don't celebrate them, who else will?

Everything that could have happened, happens to lead to this moment.

Do you really want someone out there to tell you to be happy you have a job?  A couch?  Or the freedom to download all your favorite porn for free?  Do you really need to splurge your partner's money on expensive things just to feel special?  Do you really need to wait for someone you love to pass away before you tell them how important they are to you?  The addiction for grander, bigger things is very dangerous.  It blinds one to seeing why everything has its worth.  It confuses one to ignore how special everything is.  In a world where there may be an infinite number of factors that can change what can happen at a given moment, can you not see how special it is that something actually is going well for you?  At the smallest scale, it may have been a matter of choice.  But that choice can be affected by so many other factors; the weather affecting your mood, the people around you influencing your views, the political climate preventing you from thinking about that choice, hell, even the planetary physics of the Earth not chancing upon a massive extinction level event causing body out there as it speeds out there at almost 30 kilometers per second.  All these things, these variables, these yes and nos, all these rippled down to the perfect sequence that lead you to the moment you were to make a choice.  Can you not see how spectacularly miraculous every single decision you make actually is?  How wonderfully-impossible-yet-actually-coming-to-pass every event in your life actually is?

But if everything is celebrated, what becomes special?

Think bigger.  If life itself is special, why stop celebrating it?

yeah, they really should come out already.

Valentine's day is a nice reminder that love, too, needs to be celebrated.  Yes, strangely enough people do forget to hold love as special.  Whether it be the lure of selfish lust, or the boredom born from lack of true communication, love sadly does die sometimes.  So Valentine's day is a good way to nudge us back on track and remember that it isn't so bad to actually do actions that show you care about someone.   And all those naysayers who think Valentine's day is just a marketing hype thing, well, they are right.  Valentine's day is more marketing now than not.  But why waste your energy shooting down the idea of celebrating love?

What day ISN'T a day where marketing tries to hype it up?

Why not simply celebrate it without falling prey to buying the most expensive bouquet of overly priced flowers?  Why not share the happiness of love without expecting imported chocolates?  Why shoot down the celebration just because you do not want to foot the bill?

My partner and I are having a Valentine's Day weekend.  While we celebrate every single day with the joy of being gay geeks who are passionately in love, we are making this a weekend where we can be shamelessly campily sweet.  Yes, we might be already that most of the day, and in some ways that is the irony of it all - that for us the Valentine's Day weekend does not seem to be that different - what will make it different is something that I will have to leave off the record for now.

:-)

Happy Valentine's day everyone.
To love.

Awww pig.

To real love.

Guess what, it gets EVEN BETTER.

I love you, Rocky Sunico.

These are not engagement rings or wedding rings.

But they do hold meaning in our commitment as partners.

Every day just keeps getting better.

I'm Better than I've Ever Been. Can you say the same?

Christmas has just zoomed passed us and in a few more days 2010 will be bidding us farewell.  Who would have thought time can move so quickly when you are having this much fun.  To be honest, I still find myself at times pinching myself to make sure I'm not caught in a dream or lost in some food-induced ecstatic vision.  The number of things that I had accomplished in this year alone are quite overwhelming, to be honest.  It was almost as if I had been stagnating for so long and had never really noticed it.

Merry Christmas from us!

But I guess life is really like that.  There are the ups and downs, the zig zags and the u-turns, the humps and the rapid roads that fast-track us through what we are meant to experience.  There are the scenic routes and the dumpy boring ones.  There are the long agonizing treks that move past galleries of regrets and frustrations.  And there are the wonderful stop overs that are there to remind you, "Hey you deserve this!" that quietly then hitch along for a ride as you go through your life.

Life is like Inception.
Confusing.

Let's face it:  Life can be challenging enough as it is.   From academic to economic expectations, dealing with the pressures of school and work are already a lot for some people.   Add to that the pressures from siblings, friends, and parents who all (well, at least the real ones) really just want was is best for you.    Then finally, add the delicate act of sharing and yet respecting boundaries that is necessary for a relationship to remain healthy and not dip into either obsession or abuse.  Life is pretty challenging enough as it is.

Add to that the discrimination from both others and one's peers for being gay.
And for being a geek.

Trust me, you guys have it easier :-P

And trust me, it can be a far greater challenge than most would expect.

But in many ways, this never-ending challenge of embracing one's true self, and celebrating it with the world, is what makes life worth living.  It is only when one is able to say, "Hey, look!  This is me and I love being me!" can one start to honestly consider finding that special someone else whom one can share one's life with.  Cause one has to be very careful out there.  There are a lot of predators, users, and abusers out there who would not really feel any moral obligation to care about how easily they manipulate your naïveté to their advantage.   A large part of knowing how to avoid such people is to learn to trust yourself first and to love yourself for who you are.   Once you do, the adage like-attracts-like easily comes into play and before you know it, you will find someone who "gets" you as much as you "get" him too.

Really.  No.  Don't go there.

So yes, 2011 is inching its way closer with barely a week left of time remaining.  Lots of people talk about having a "resolution" this new year.  Others mumble about trying to accomplish a list of goals.  Me?  I think what would be best is to review one's life and consider what one has done to be both oneself and at the same time an even better version of oneself.    Others might be content to judge the joy in the lives by the branded things they buy, or the free trips out-of-town they connive out of others... don't mislead yourself into thinking they have it "better".  After all, all they've done is measure the quality of their lives on financial means.  Celebrate being you and celebrating always becoming even a better you each and every single day!

Year of the Rabbit is coming up!

Here's to another year filled with real rainbows that color the sky!

*Thanks to my partner Rocky for some of the pictures!

---

George Washington
Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation. It is better be alone than in bad company.

Why we search. Why we need to.

Everything in this world is in motion.

There is beauty and motion in everything.
Open your eyes.

From the molecular level to the very galaxy we live in, everything is moving at its own relative speed.  As things of matter, the very building blocks that compose our corporeal forms are humming at their respective vibrational frequencies.  The various elemental components that form our biological chemistry dance their delicate harmonic signatures which distinguish them from one another.  On a cellular level, our cells move and pulse the organic dance of life.  DNA sashays between ribosomes and mitochondria neighbors.  Flagella pulse against plasma currents and nutrient streams.  Lungs respire as the heart beats within its protective bony cage.

Everything in the human body can be disgusting when seen up close...
but even more beautiful when seen much closer.

As individual we move through the world in multiple dimensions.

As persons, we adapt and change our personalties and roles based on expectations imposed on us by economic and societal needs.  We become caring or confrontational, assertive or submissive depending on what we hope to accomplish given a specific point in time.

So many roles.  So many labels.  So many "me" to be.

As societies, we bob with the ebb and flow of hype and social acceptability.   We embrace labels or dodge them, embody virtues or dissolve them depending on the needs of the one.  Or the many.  We are cogs in a machine.  We are machines in a system.  We are systems in a cycle.

Sometimes we are further than we started or closer to the end that we realize.

We journey through time, space and Zeno's paradox, travelling through them in the smallest of microseconds, the tinies of yocto meters, tearing through an infinite number of halves with each and every moment of existence.  And even if we were to somehow negate time and the most minute amount of motion our bodies were to make, we would still be moving as the very continents we are standing upon are moving their almost undetectable lumbering pace.  Entire masses of earth and civilizations tip-toeing between the massive oceans on a planet we call Earth.  

The very planet itself would still be moving.  In a single 24-hour span, our planet makes a complete rotation at the speed close to 1600 km/hr.  We are spinning so fast we never even feel the movement happen.   And even if the phenomenon of continental drift was not real, our planet itself happened to cease spinning, it would still be moving at an astounding pace of almost 108,000 kilometers an hour as it zips by to chase the sun.   On our local standard of rest, among the neighborhood of the other stars near us, we would be moving at about 70,000 kilometers per hour in  the direction of the star Vega in the Lyra constellation.

The entire solar system we are part of is zooming through the Milky Way at an even faster speed.  The sun races across the galaxy at over 792,000 kilometers per hour, and in the planet Earth have no choice but to follow behind it.

We are all travelers.  The question is, how do you make the journey worth the trip?

And even with all that, we are still moving even faster.   The very Milky Way itself is travelling with all of us and its over 400 billion other stars that may have their own habited planets.  We are all zooming through the cosmic background radiation at an astounding 2.1 million kilometers per hour, tremendously fast but nothing compared to the very speed of light which zips by at approximately 1,079 million kilometers per hour.

Everything is in motion.  Everything is constantly moving.  Everything is having its own journey through time and space, constantly tearing away at the Zeno's paradox without care.   And with all this constant flux, somewhere deep inside of each and every one of us is a desire to find some form of stability.  Within every single person is the need to take hold of an anchor that would offer us a semblance of immutability.  That would gift us with a sense of groundedness.  A sense of place.  A reassurance that amidst everything else, there remains one single place of absolute constancy.  We seek to find something which all scientific, biological and social laws are powerless to change.

We seek to have love in our lives.
We seek to have that bond with another person that is pure and honest and true, without any hints of deception or self-doubt.  Without any veiled intentions or compounded subterfuge.

Some look too hard.  Others give up too soon.
Which one are you?

And that is why we enter relationships.  We test them.  We try them.  We fail most.  We get hurt.  We give up.  We start over.

But we always search for that perfect love that we know is real.
That we know must exist.
That we believe exists.

For only a true, honest and equal love can give that permanence.

-----

I love you, Rocky.
I am terribly lucky to have found you.

I'm just happy to know we already have found it.
Here's hoping you find it too.

Anything goes but don't blink you might miss

Last night was a blast!

Hot and Dangerous Bear on his Guard Shark.
These are definitely deadly waters, boys.

It seems my relationship with Rocky continues to be one that breaks new ground in so many ways.  After all those years, with the way our lives were moving as separate journeys in the past, one would have thought we would have seen everything there is to be seen.  Then a night like last night comes along and shows you how much more there is in our lives together to celebrate as a couple.


Last night, my partner and I along with our good musically-inclined friend hit O bar for another night of dance-able music, caffeinated beer, and campy fun!  Boy did last night deliver!  Rest assured tonight was a nice of quotable quotes, with my favorite one flowing in this manner:

"So, do you still think I made a mistake getting married so soon?"

"No, definitely not at all.  I'm now rethinking my lifestyle."

And in many ways, that quote captures how wonderful the night was.   While we both indulged in respectable levels of excess, our loyalties to one another never wavered, and once again the richness and strength of a strong and passionate relationship were again visible for all to see.   Visible enough for one to admit that a lifestyle of just one-night stands does not compare.

Not quite what I wanted to use,
but it is close enough I guess. 

I recall someone once attempting to "enlighten" me by telling me about how a relationship is nothing but a gilded cage.  There was another person who tried to question the strength of our commitment to one another, musing about us merely hanging on to each other with spider threads.  It can be sad how there really are people who are so against the idea of loyalty and relationships that they would have to spend much of their own time futilely attempting to erode a happy couple's life together.  But I guess one has to accept the fact that such people really exist.  To quote Fleetwood Mac, "Players only love you when they're playing."


(On a side note, as I type this, my Facebook account is having some weird quirk keeping me from accessing pages and even my own profile page.  While I'd like to think this was just some ISP related issue, the fact that my partner can freely surf on our wifi connection reinforces the fear that this may be another one of my "haters" activities.  I do hope I'm just being paranoid and this is some internal quirk on Facebook's side.)

Good show.  Just makes me wonder where its heart really is.

I wonder why the concept of a loyal stable relationship frightens so many people?  Part of me thinks it is in a great part the fault of shows like Queer as Folk which sensationalized and popularized the idea that a slutty, sex-focused life is the only viable life a queer can ever embrace.  The idea that relationships are pointless since love is nothing compared to the next throbbing boner that comes your way was epitomized by Gale Harold's character Brian Kinney.  It doesn't help that his motto embraces the idea that all straight people are out to hate us queers.   God knows I hate Brian and his shallowness.  He does have some level of depth, but his lack of willingness to embrace honesty just makes him less tragic and more pathetic in my eyes.  I wonder at times what Russel T. Davies had hoped to achieve by having Brian as the lead character in that show.   His Dr. Who episodes are sheer genius and represent the strength of human virtues in so many ways.   Was QAF merely his "release" of the baser things that define us?  Was there supposed to be a great "shift" in Brian's character that was due to come on the sixth season that never happened?  The American broadcast of the show had a disclaimer that read:

"Queer as Folk is a celebration of the lives and passions of a group of gay friends.

It is not meant to reflect all of gay society"

I can't help but wonder if so many people who despise relationships failed to read that particular disclaimer.  Part of me can't help but feel that as wonderfully real and touching the stories are in Queer as Folk, I would have hoped to have greater examples of the strength of committed gay relationships present in television.  Modern Family tries to do this, albeit in a funny way.  Four Weddings and a Funeral beautifully reflected a gay relationship without even having to declare the word, "gay."   I'm still having mixed feelings about Glee, since Curt seems to be too much of a show favorite at times, with his supposed demands for being accepted trampling over the rights of other people to have personal space.  Why I loved the way they portrayed how his father dealt with his coming out, I feel the show was a tad too biased when Curt's imposition of sharing a room with (the man he lusts for) his "brother" Finn lead to Finn demanding for personal space, but rather than showing how Curt was going too far, the show focused on Finn's outburst with the use of a "bad word."

The most non-stereotype gay couple on film ever.

Understandably, one can look at things in another perspective and ask, "Why should one define a successful relationship based on the Hollywood model of a happy straight relationship?  Why should the idea of one's life being a romantic comedy blockbuster be better than a sexually charged QAF episode?"   But the thing is, I'm not going for a Hollywood relationship.  I'm not looking for the happily ever after such movies claim to exist.  I'm not so immature to believe love literally conquers all.  


I do, however, believe that with everything is the act of making a choice.
And the choice to make a relationship work is a choice we all have the right to make.

Those who see a prison obviously mistake guarding something valuable as putting it in a cage.

Choosing to be in a relationship is not about choosing to be imprisoned.  Or choosing to live a boring life.  Oh no.  If anything, last night proves that a relationship that is strong and absolutely secure in its foundations can rock the night away with tongues waggling and eyes envious for more.


Last night was, simply put, Wow.
And let me tell you, no one is luckier than I was last night.
Why?





Because I am Rocky's.
And he is mine.

I found you.

Sex, Love, and No Regrets

I was at my favorite haunt to celebrate a friend's birthday party when a guy came up to me asked for a light.  Having pretty much stopped smoking save for the odd occasion when the need for nicotine hits me in an attempt to keep myself calm, I motioned to the nearby lighter that was on the table and gave him a friendly smile to say, "Go ahead."  The guy wasn't that bad, to be honest.  Much more fit than the usual monkey that hits on me, the guy ran a wide hand over his semi-skinhead and reached past me to get the lighter.  He lit the cigarette, took a deep puff, before holding the lighter out in front of me to take it back.  I cocked my head and gave him a blank stare as if wondering why he didn't just place it back on the table.

Sometimes I wonder if I should let the bouncers toss these people out.

I guess I should have known.

The DJ had yet to shift to the next song when the guy returned, planted himself beside me, and started to dance. I reached for my glass, refilled it with some beer, then added a dash of extra joss as usual.  I wasn't particularly in the mood to shoot down monkeys as usual and I had promised my partner that I would try to be nicer, so I stayed close to the table and gave the dancing guy enough room to dance his heart out.

Before I knew it, I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard:

"So why aren't you dancing?"

I turned to face the guy and raised my eyebrows.  I offered a smile and motioned towards my friends, explaining, "I'm having fun hanging with my friends."  Realizing he was probably trying to ask me to dance with him, I added, "I usually just dance with my partner.  It is just that he's at work right now."

The guy shrugged and reached for my glass to try and take it from my hand.  I looked at him incredulously, wrapped my free hand against his, and shook my head to say no.

Monkeys.  Maybe I should devote a blogspot to explain why
I call them monkeys?  Hmm...

"It is just a dance," the guy reasoned, and perhaps in a bid to get me interested, reached up to scratch his head again and flash a hint of his meaty bicep and the dark valley of armpit hair.  To his dismay, I just pulled my glass free, took a deep swag, and told him, "Thanks but I'm good."  It was an opening for him to just walk away.  It was an opportunity to save face rather than be shot down.   I guess I was hoping for too much.

"It is your fault you know.  That's what you get for being 'married.'"

I stared at him as he said these words.  There was a smart-ass expression on his face.  It was a futile attempt to make me "realize" how much I was missing.   What he failed to comprehend, however, is that I'm not the one who is missing out on anything.   My life with my partner is a life filled with reasons to be happy literally each and every single day.  As cliché as it sounds,  our being in a relationship has not reduced the happiness in our lives.  Nor has it made us feel like prisoners as some would try to make relationships be perceived as.

This incident reminded me of something my partner shared a few days back.  There was a series of status posts and updates from friends of his that were exulting their being single.  They sprouted out declarations of how being single was a choice equated to choosing to live happy, exciting and adventurous lives.  Now I'm all for embracing happiness as a choice of how one views one's life, and frankly I don't think happiness can only be achieved if one is in a relationship, but I don't however think that embracing a life of sleeping around with some new boy toy each night is more fulfilling that finding someone whom you accepts you as who you are and is someone you accept in such a way in return.  Having access to a variety of orgasmic joys might be sensually  intoxicating but people who think sexual excitement dies once one chooses to be loyal and exclusive to another person are clearly people who fail to know how to truly make love to another.

Yeah, you guys can go fill them bottles over and over again.
I'm no longer part of the stupid repetitive machine.

Fucking is more than just point A being inserted into point B.  Satisfying your partner is more than just having a scheduled fuck day, and it is even far worse if the days in between are spent fooling around with whatever new conquests hits the other's fancy.  The human body is filled with places to explore.  And even more secret places when you consider what happens when two people in love truly choose to explore each other's bodies together.

It is called making love for a reason.

Ending the Run.

As I stated about it in an earlier entry, our relationship didn't start with sex.  But as our relationship continues to grow stronger with the passage of each and every single day, so does the many ways we learn to satisfy each other in many different ways.

"That's what you get for getting married."

You betcha.
I'm absolutely sure that I can speak for both of us when I say we have no regrets being together.     Things aren't perfect, that's for sure.  But things keep getting better each and every single day.

I only wish someday, Mr. Monkey, you get a chance to experience what I do on a daily basis.
I'm sure someday you'll realize you'll grow tired of waking up in the next morning and showing him the door (assuming he even opted to stay the night, that is)  But until you grow up just a bit more, sadly, I don't see it happening any time soon.

So yeah, enjoy the dance.

Don't worry Jakey.  We're still reserving some space on our bed for you.

I'm fine here at the table.
You should see us dance when we're both at the bar.
Maybe then you'll see things a tad better.

The Cock or the Egg?

In my relationship with my partner, each and every single day has its own mushy moment.  In Filipino, we refer to such moments as our personal "baduy" moments.  It might be something like me sneaking a stuffed toy duck into my partner's packed lunch bag for the day, or him waking me up (with a little something-something) then surprising me with a magazine featuring some celebrity I like on the cover, or him coming home to find a bunch roses on the table waiting for him, and so on and so forth.  To a large extent, this ever present willingness to make each and every single day as romantically special as the first few days when we had just met seems to stem greatly from the fact that when we did meet, sex was not the first item on our agenda.

Spit or Swallow?  Why not just Cuddle?

My partner and I met because we were both happy to have found a fellow geek who was interested in something the other was.  In our case, it was a long discontinued collectible card game called Netrunner.  For him, the game was something longed to play but never really got the chance to do so.  For me, it was a game I truly enjoyed which I had long left untouched ever since my gaming group had started to move onto other games.   The moment we both realized we shared an existing frustration for the game, we realized it was by meeting up that we could finally put that frustration to rest.

NetRunner.  God it opened all these geek flirtations.
"Are you making a run?"  "No, I'm jacking off." "What??!"  "OUT! Out! Jacking out!" *blushes*

While there may have been a healthy heaping of witty banter and flirtatious comebacks, our early days of getting to know one another revolved more around sharing more of what we loved rather than indulging on the  act of making love.  Webcam sessions were for us to watch episodes of Battlestar Galactica in synch rather than randy attempts to cum on cue.  Late night trysts were more to share dinner at some fast food place or restaurant rather than escape away to the noise-resistant confines of some motel room.

Simply put, for us sex was not the initial spark that began to burn into a passionate fire.
Or to use my title's analogy, the (creative geeky) egg came before the cock.

I personally still thick the Egg came first.  Dinosaur eggs that is.

Many other gay couples I know met their partners first as someone they were grinding against on the dance  floor.   Others found what they call love from a fellow lonely stranger who offered a smile and a good opening line.   Such  meetings are no different from how I met my partner:  They were meetings which may or may not have happened had certain things happened differently.  They were meetings that finally came to pass because at least one of the two decided to take that chance, reach out, and say hello.

But sadly, a larger number of these chance encounters for some reason choose the bed as the stage where the decision of making someone a partner is made.   For some reason, regardless of the other person's physical, social or mental traits, it seems his performance in bed (and for others, which I think is even sadder, the other man's cock size) becomes the final test which will determine if the person is worth considering relationship material.    One friend once explained this to me in this manner, "If he can't make me cry out his name, then I'm gonna wave goodbye and find someone who can."

Gotta admit, one can always try more creative positions if one does choose to do it.

The Cock came before the Egg.

I used to share that mindset when I was still in college.

Back in those years, young as I was to the world and its sensual affairs (my sexual encounters prior to becoming a college freshman were far less than the number of fingers you have as a human being) and each time I thought I met someone interesting, I saw nothing wrong with expecting a good humping as a key factor in deciding if someone was worth my time.  For some reason I assumed it would be harder for someone to learn to make love better than it was for someone to be smarter.  Or be more in tune with my way of thinking.  Or be more capable of making me laugh without really trying.

See, I love Star Trek now!  :-)

I felt sex was something that on the first try had to be perfect.  

It was that damned Hollywood illusion that if someone was meant for you, plug should perfectly fit socket and the sound of slapping meat should lead to orgasmic tsunamis erupting in unison.   Maybe it was just because it was the 90s back then, but I could not recall much movies where two people having sex would have elbows bumping into faces or insertions leading to bloody painful wails.  I couldn't see why someone meant for me would have trouble swallowing or would fail to get it up on the first go.   My demands for a partner included that he (or she) perform on cue, hard (or wet) when I needed it, without any need for artificial lubrication or second attempts.

There are benefits to being Bisexual.   Yep.

Hell, I was a damn hot guy whose friends nicknamed a Sexpert! Why should I settle for anything less than a masterful toothless blowjob that milked me with the intensity of a hentai flick?

Yep.   Talk about self deluded, eh?

You know what's worse?

Until now, some people out there still have that mindset.
And they aren't exactly still in their younger years.

Sex is still being used by so many people out there as the measuring scale of a man's viability to be a partner.  Don't get me wrong, though.  I clearly understand the important role great sex and its role in the need for physical satisfaction, I am now a firm believer however that there are things that are easier to develop than others.  And better yet, some things are far better to develop together with one's partner than alone.

Sometimes all it takes is one step at a time.

Maybe I sound naive in saying this... or maybe I'm being one of the few mature enough to say this aloud, but if one chooses to make sexual performance the biggest factor of what makes a relationship work, then one should expect never to be truly happy in their relationship since any new guy who comes along might perceivably be better in the sack.  And that, in my opinion, is a relationship doomed to fall apart.

Egg before Cock and you're sure to last longer than the typical cum shot.

I'm very happy to be in a relationship that was born from mutual interests growing into shared ones.  And I love how each and every single day is excitingly a beautiful juxtaposition of shared joy and discovery.    While I have been in many relationships before, this is definitely one which feels like there ain't gonna be a time we will ever get bored of each other.

And that, I personally feel, is a relationship that is meant to last.