Where did I see you before?

So our Pacific Rim hero is quite the looker... but where have we seen him before?

Oh yes, Queer as Folk indeed.

Anything goes but don't blink you might miss

Last night was a blast!

Hot and Dangerous Bear on his Guard Shark.
These are definitely deadly waters, boys.

It seems my relationship with Rocky continues to be one that breaks new ground in so many ways.  After all those years, with the way our lives were moving as separate journeys in the past, one would have thought we would have seen everything there is to be seen.  Then a night like last night comes along and shows you how much more there is in our lives together to celebrate as a couple.


Last night, my partner and I along with our good musically-inclined friend hit O bar for another night of dance-able music, caffeinated beer, and campy fun!  Boy did last night deliver!  Rest assured tonight was a nice of quotable quotes, with my favorite one flowing in this manner:

"So, do you still think I made a mistake getting married so soon?"

"No, definitely not at all.  I'm now rethinking my lifestyle."

And in many ways, that quote captures how wonderful the night was.   While we both indulged in respectable levels of excess, our loyalties to one another never wavered, and once again the richness and strength of a strong and passionate relationship were again visible for all to see.   Visible enough for one to admit that a lifestyle of just one-night stands does not compare.

Not quite what I wanted to use,
but it is close enough I guess. 

I recall someone once attempting to "enlighten" me by telling me about how a relationship is nothing but a gilded cage.  There was another person who tried to question the strength of our commitment to one another, musing about us merely hanging on to each other with spider threads.  It can be sad how there really are people who are so against the idea of loyalty and relationships that they would have to spend much of their own time futilely attempting to erode a happy couple's life together.  But I guess one has to accept the fact that such people really exist.  To quote Fleetwood Mac, "Players only love you when they're playing."


(On a side note, as I type this, my Facebook account is having some weird quirk keeping me from accessing pages and even my own profile page.  While I'd like to think this was just some ISP related issue, the fact that my partner can freely surf on our wifi connection reinforces the fear that this may be another one of my "haters" activities.  I do hope I'm just being paranoid and this is some internal quirk on Facebook's side.)

Good show.  Just makes me wonder where its heart really is.

I wonder why the concept of a loyal stable relationship frightens so many people?  Part of me thinks it is in a great part the fault of shows like Queer as Folk which sensationalized and popularized the idea that a slutty, sex-focused life is the only viable life a queer can ever embrace.  The idea that relationships are pointless since love is nothing compared to the next throbbing boner that comes your way was epitomized by Gale Harold's character Brian Kinney.  It doesn't help that his motto embraces the idea that all straight people are out to hate us queers.   God knows I hate Brian and his shallowness.  He does have some level of depth, but his lack of willingness to embrace honesty just makes him less tragic and more pathetic in my eyes.  I wonder at times what Russel T. Davies had hoped to achieve by having Brian as the lead character in that show.   His Dr. Who episodes are sheer genius and represent the strength of human virtues in so many ways.   Was QAF merely his "release" of the baser things that define us?  Was there supposed to be a great "shift" in Brian's character that was due to come on the sixth season that never happened?  The American broadcast of the show had a disclaimer that read:

"Queer as Folk is a celebration of the lives and passions of a group of gay friends.

It is not meant to reflect all of gay society"

I can't help but wonder if so many people who despise relationships failed to read that particular disclaimer.  Part of me can't help but feel that as wonderfully real and touching the stories are in Queer as Folk, I would have hoped to have greater examples of the strength of committed gay relationships present in television.  Modern Family tries to do this, albeit in a funny way.  Four Weddings and a Funeral beautifully reflected a gay relationship without even having to declare the word, "gay."   I'm still having mixed feelings about Glee, since Curt seems to be too much of a show favorite at times, with his supposed demands for being accepted trampling over the rights of other people to have personal space.  Why I loved the way they portrayed how his father dealt with his coming out, I feel the show was a tad too biased when Curt's imposition of sharing a room with (the man he lusts for) his "brother" Finn lead to Finn demanding for personal space, but rather than showing how Curt was going too far, the show focused on Finn's outburst with the use of a "bad word."

The most non-stereotype gay couple on film ever.

Understandably, one can look at things in another perspective and ask, "Why should one define a successful relationship based on the Hollywood model of a happy straight relationship?  Why should the idea of one's life being a romantic comedy blockbuster be better than a sexually charged QAF episode?"   But the thing is, I'm not going for a Hollywood relationship.  I'm not looking for the happily ever after such movies claim to exist.  I'm not so immature to believe love literally conquers all.  


I do, however, believe that with everything is the act of making a choice.
And the choice to make a relationship work is a choice we all have the right to make.

Those who see a prison obviously mistake guarding something valuable as putting it in a cage.

Choosing to be in a relationship is not about choosing to be imprisoned.  Or choosing to live a boring life.  Oh no.  If anything, last night proves that a relationship that is strong and absolutely secure in its foundations can rock the night away with tongues waggling and eyes envious for more.


Last night was, simply put, Wow.
And let me tell you, no one is luckier than I was last night.
Why?





Because I am Rocky's.
And he is mine.

I found you.

Theorgy. And Why I Blog.

My partner alerted me to an upcoming gay blogger event called Theorgy which has definitely perked my interest.  The idea is to have numerous gay bloggers write on a specific topic on a specific day, with September one being devoted to the topic of Coming Out.

Could this be the start of a good thing?
I hope so.

The term Theorgy sounds like a play with words to me:  Theory being merged with Orgy.   The idea seems to do suggest that it is about a group of people doing a sharing of views and perhaps a study of beliefs and opinions.  The word play is quite quaint and it does grab attention.

I feel happy to see that there is movement in having gay blogs contain more than the usual mix of nearly naked men, sexual escapades, fashion, rumor or blind item controversies, or porn reviews.  While I will admit to having my own share of interests in such things, I will state a part of me really hopes to find more gay blogs that discuss topics beyond the usual nsfw variety.

Jakey agrees.  Can't always just be about his body, right?

Being gay, after all, is a much more colorful experience than just sex, naked men, and rumors of who is and isn't still in the closet.  While I have been blogging for many years, I only started blogging about my gay life after realizing that I did want to have one which reflected on such topics more freely.  My current blog is already overly cluttered with posts on role playing games, daily grind rants, geekgasms on upcoming movies and games, and the like.  Blame it on the rain, bro became my outlet to discuss things which definitely reflected more of my gay life and clearly that was more than just sex.

Yep.  Too many people ignoring their brains and using their dicks to do the thinking.
Others don't even bother trying to think.

I wonder though why many seem to limit their gay experience to be the sexual kind.  While I understand that it is sex, sexual interest, and gender identity that defines one to be gay, I would not like to think that everything else in the world then becomes default straight.  My partner cautioned me though in believing that there aren't any such blogs out there.  Many, he shared, did exist must most have gone inactive in as the years gone by.

Oh dead blogs.  I hardly knew you.

I wonder if others out there would like to try to help make the presence of such blogs more known.

I've tried reading some of the gay friendly local blogs that I have heard of and some didn't quite rub me the right way.  I wasn't too happy to see blogs that seemed to view the idea of infidelity or fooling around with married men as "an exciting moment" in one's life.  I didn't quite agree with other blogs that suggested wearing branded clothes was the standard which defined a gay man as having class or not.  I was literally turned off by  blogs that seemed devoted to spreading rumors, accusing others of being closeted and celebrating the (what I feel is an abusive) art of blind items.

Why not more gay blogs that talk about life beyond the waistband and lubricated anus?  Why not blogs that reflect we can love sports beyond the muscular guys who wear them tiny shorts?  Why not blogs that talk about how cooking became an icebreaker on how they reached out to their parents and regained acceptance?   Or how being HIV positive opened one's eyes to living a much more positive and appreciative life?   Lots of gay friends I know lead colorful, challenging, and over all interesting lives.  Why can we not celebrate these lives more in our blogs?

Maybe if Will and Grace did this more often, the show would have had a stronger
staying power for today's gay audience?

In many ways I feel the kind of blogs out there nicely reflect the kind of gay friendly shows we finally have access to as well.  Years back, beautifully written shows like Will and Grace showed us that a gay man can be very multifaceted.  Will stood out in contrast to his friend Jack, yet both got along campily well in many other ways.  But then came shows like Queer as Folk and Dante's Cove which seemed to focus more on the sexual energy and abusive relationships that also existed in gay couplings.  It doesn't come as a surprise that a lot of people love the shows, but it does make me worry how many still have the misconception that a gay lifestyle is limited to that kind of a life.   I am still hoping for more people to learn of shows like Torchwood and Modern Family to see that being gay can go much further than just being a guy who loves to sleep around and can't keep their dick in their pants.  Sadly, even a very well executed and written show like Glee still seems lacking in the gay =/= sex department.  I have yet to really see from Curt see more than his right to have feelings for Finn.  I would have liked Curt to be mature enough to understand that Finn does also deserve to have his own personal space.

Oh no, I dissed Curt.  I wonder if that's Hate Mail I hear coming?
Oh Curt can't wait to see me suffer for dissing him.

In a way, the feeling that the world needs to see more gay blogs that aren't obsessing over other's men's genitalia will be a huge source of momentum for me in keeping this blog going.  I wouldn't like people who aren't blessed with the joy of having gay friends to find nothing but meat, meat, meat, and more meat online when they chance upon a gay friendly site.  I think keeping this blog alive would be my part in helping show that the gay experience is far more than just a change of pussycats with roosters.

In can be a whole lot more colorful than they can ever dream.

Shouldn't we then do what we can to help them see that?

The White Party 2010

The White Party is coming up.
My partner and I have been excitedly sharing ideas on what kind of white shirt to wear to the event.  While he has always been a faithful participant of the White Parties in the past, for me, this is going to be the second White Party I have ever attended.

As embarrassing as it may be to admit, I wasn't even that aware of the significance of the Stonewall Raids until recently.  For quite some time, my being bisexual was merely some hidden stigma that I had to hide from my parents and that I carefully shared with my friends.  Growing up had me uncertain if I could enjoy shows like Will and Grace without triggering their alarms.  And while I never found myself draw to shows like Queer as Folk, I did have those times when I wanted to state how hot Jake Gyllenhaal was in Donnie Darko or how sexy I found both Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.

But thankfully, this last year has been one of finding myself and being more able to honestly speak of my desires, interests and expectations.  Ever since I came out to my parents (and yes, I am still working on THAT blog entry) I have felt this huge need to "hide things" lifted from my chest.  While I haven't exactly been given a go signal to clearly talk about how much I love my partner, or how cute Bear Grylls looks with my parents, I now don't have to lie to them and simply call my partner "my best friend."  I can now tell them that the upcoming Saturday night is already mapped out in my schedule as the Gay Pride White Party.  I can honestly tell them that I don't necessarily agree with how some people interpret things in the Bible to "prove" being gay is wrong.

So yeah, with the White Party coming up, my partner and I have been coming up with concepts on what kinds of shirts we can use.  While most gay people would jump at such an opportunity to show some skin, dress in drag, or peruse the attendance of the event as merely another sexual meat locker to choose from, me and my partner see it as a chance to once more reaffirm our honesty to one another and to ourselves both as geeks and as a gay couple.

Being the White Party, a white shirt was pretty much assured.  To show our gay pride, the presence of the rainbow and a pink triangle was definitely to be present.  To proudly show our geek side too, however, required some thought.

Initially, I thought of making the shirts reflect the recent DC Blackest Night story arc.  With the Pink Corps reflecting our Love for each other (and gay pride to boot!) our backs would display our "class colors" as an inside joke.

While cute, my partner wasn't sure if it seemed apt for the Gay Pride event.

Tossing another idea at him, my inner geek elitist came out and I came up with this design instead.  Only people who knew Dr. Who would be able to recognize the objects, and more so the double meaning lines that were to be in the back of the shirts.   My partner found them cute but wasn't sure if he wanted to be labelled "Bigger in the inside."

So we threw back and forth more ideas and eventually found ourselves going back to one of the major geeky things that we both absolutely adored.



So what will the shirt designs look like?
You'll just have to wait and see!

:-)

See you at the White Party!

Generic Genres and Gender

I am currently at work today while my partner is resting at home and watching Wedding Wars, the campy movie starring Rob Lowe and Sean Maher.  (update : Oops, was it Rob Lowe or John Stamos!  I think I got it wrong)  In a recent post, I was musing about what makes a movie a "gay film" and I found myself wondering even more about that today.

Must homosexual situations always be present for a film to be considered a gay film?
And is that actually a good thing?

Part of what made my growing up tougher was the lack of positive masculine gay role models that I could look up to.  The closest I could remember at that time was Tom Hanks' role in Philadelphia where he played a gay guy with Aids who sued his company for discrimination.  Other than that, a large majority of gay characters I could watch were the extremes of campy femininity or closeted self destructiveness.

It didn't help either that locally back then, the concept of gay was not as broad as it is now.  The term bakla, which is generally used to refer to homosexual men, was actually much more defined as referring to a man who acted effeminately and tended to cross dress and carry himself with overly expressive theatrics.  Such a representation was made most popular by Roderick Paulate and the comedic characters of Dolphy, Joey de Leon and many many others.    The idea of a masculine gay guy was practically unheard of.  (Just as practically all lesbian characters back then were tibo, the women who tended to wear jeans and polo tee shirts with the sleeves rolled up and on their head, concealing the bun of hair, a cap worn backwards.  So for a long time, I didn't even think I was gay.  I didn't even think the term bisexual would apply to me.  All I knew was, I wasn't straight.  And I wasn't gay.  What I didn't realize back then was, I just wans't gay that way.

Even now, the image of the bakla and the tibo are still perpetuated on local television and movies.  It is only thanks to much more modern works like Carlo Vergara's Zsazsa Zaturnnah that the idea of a masculine guy who likes another man is being given some screentime (or in Zaturnnah's case, screen, stage and print time).

It makes me wonder when does something become labelled as a gay show or movie.  Is it simply the presence of campiness?  (And as a friend of mine put it, pag gay roles pero sobrang serious... art film yan, hindi gay film.)  Does having a gay lead automatically make it a gay show?  Ellen and Oprah's shows have a huge set of differences, but most people would easily say one is a talk show and the other is a gay show.

Is it the presence of gay themes and topics?  What then does that make Modern Family, since the show does have sharing the spotlight a third of the time a gay couple.  Part of what makes the show excellent for me is how they tackle gay issues and show such problems ain't limited to homosexuals.

Does it really boil down to the presence of gay sex?  Queer as Folk is definitely considered by some as a gay show.  Queer Eye is too but doesn't exactly have sex (although it does discuss sexuality and attractiveness a lot).

How does one define better this genre?  Should it even be considered to be a genre the way westerns are?  Does it empower to say Torchwood is a gay show with its sexually explorative charcters?  Or does it limit it to an unnecessary perception when it would be better to say it is a science fiction show.   Should the "gayness" of a show matter at all?  Do we want to make it a genre or subgenre of its own?

Or wouldn't it be nicer to have any show with gay elements still recognized as what they are in the standard definitions of entertainment - be it action, comedy, science fiction, or drama.

Sometimes I personally feel that removing the need to call any show or film "gay" would be better.  Not out of shame or anything similar.  But rather, so the film can be seen for what it is, and the gender of the characters be accepted as that and not highlighted like some circus freak being given the spotlight.  Torchwood for example is good campy sci fi.  Jack Harness being willing to sleep with anything, male, female or alien, is just an additional detail.  Caprica is doing well without having to overly highlight that one of the Adamas is gay.  Modern Family too nicely has the campiness without having to alienate others by calling it a gay show.

I can understand the want to be proud of being gay.  And in many ways, I can imagine others would argue I don't see the need to be too vocal about being proud since I am still in the closet.  But sometimes I think in all the calls for equality and equal rights, what many mistakenly are expecting is actually special treatment.

And with that kind of an expectation, we end up alienating ourselves from the world we're hoping to be accepted as equals.

It is possible though that I had horribly misinterpreted things.  Not being a scholar of gay culture and gender politics, I speak merely from things I had experienced and observed.  But I guess that's the point of having these things in a blog.  If anyone would love to share their own views, do feel free to leave a comment or two. :-)

Gay Shows Must Go On

There is a guilty pleasure in watching Ru Paul's Drag Race. 

While I don't have fantasies of being a woman (and yes, to you naysayers who might throw me a "Don't diss it until you try it" line, I have dressed in drag for the fun of it for my best friend's birthday, as well as for theater.) I do admire the contestants in the show for being fierce, creative and very proud of who they are.



Season one was fun, with comparisons to Project Runway and America's Next Top Model constantly visible.  I tried to enjoy the show more as its own thing, but I couldn't help but feel they were just taking from the two and calling it something new.

Season two, however, found more of its own voice.  The challenges were very entertaining, drawing inspiration from old movies, grand divas and real issues which affect gay men.  

Lipsynching for your life, which is how the show finally challenges contestants who are leaving, is a fun and creative touch which I feel could have been better utilized in the show if they were to have less cuts away from the contestants and more screen time to show how they present themselves.

Then there is the Big Gay Sketch Show which I love watching for its campy fun and its hilarious skits.  While Saturday Night Live used to rule as the funniest show on the tube (with Whose Line Is It, Anyway? on a close second), SNL has progressively been getting more and more boring with nonsense skits such as "What's Up With That?".   The Big Gay Sketch Show has funny recurring characters and concepts with the young boy Fitzwilliam  winning my heart.  Fitzwilliam is a young transgendered boy desperately seeking to find a way to have what he always wanted in life: a vagina.  Amusingly, the role is played by Kate McKinnon, a woman, who carries the role so well it just works!  Other recurring characters are Svetlana, an ex-KGB agent and chorus dancer, Naldo the package guy, Maya Angelou who reads sexually explicit Craigslist postings and many others.


Other than these two shows, I don't really know of any other gay shows that I do like watching.  I have never been into the supposedly best gayest show, Queer as Folk.  I never got interested in  Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  I don't think I'm interested in Dante's Cove.  I, however, must confess I am anxious to catch up on Will and Grace.


Ultimately, I wish more gay oriented shows come out, with less focus on sex and more on being gay.   The ongoing series Modern Family has a gay couple who have adopted a child and has wonderfully touched on gay topics and issues (and interestingly enough, presented them in a revealing way that shows they aren't issues only gay men face) without having to fall back on the idea that gay has to always equal wanting to grab someone's ass.  Other shows like Flash Foward and Caprica have been showing non-stereotypical gay characters as well.  But sadly such shows aren't exactly gay shows are they?


Local films and television seem to still be hung up in the idea that gay has to equal effeminate.  A gay character, in local productions, has to have a twangy voice, an interest in cross dressing (or at least having overly exaggerated hand motions) and find every hot man irresistible.)  Local productions push the idea that all gay men have to be sex-craving man eaters.  THAT image I can have much less of.


Or am I getting myself too hung up on the idea that a gay show has to be a show that caters 90% of the time to a gay audience alone?   Does this mean I view all OTHER shows to be straight shows?  Is it a question of whether or not the cast is predominantly heterosexual or not?  Or is it just a question of whether or not the show has a non-straight lead character?

Hmm... now that I'm thinking about it, what about Torchwood?