Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My Piss Story

A few days ago, I was forced to stay and work much later than usual.  Anticipating it was going to be horrible, I decided to fill a water bottle with some water and a dash of Extra Joss in order to have easy access to a caffeinated drink when I needed a good kick.   True enough, I was stuck in traffic for almost two hours before I finally got home and one could imagine how miserable I felt.

Extra Joss + water in a used water bottle

Things only got worse when I boarded the elevator and moved to one corner to wait in silence for the darned thing to finally reach my floor.  People started coming and and most were giving me strange looks as I held my water bottle and pondered on what was eating them.

The corner
When the ride got even further delayed by some guy who was yelling at us to hold the door, I decided to stay quiet and just seethe in silence.  After all, I easily imagined how everyone else was earlier stuck in traffic like me and were dying to just get home.  I know I was in a rush.  I still had to wake my partner for work and prep something for breakfast/dinner.  I was fidgeting in my corner and wasn't aware of how uncomfortable I probably looked.

Re-enactment:  Clearly I did not look this amused when it happened.
When the elevator stopped two floors away from me, I decided to take a swag to pass the time.  To my surprise, one kid suddenly gasped out and declared, "Mommy yucky!"  And I immediately slid my hand over my face, neck, and shirt to see if I had spilled on myself or had some bug or something on me.  The woman shook her head, told her son, "No..." but then had a double-take and looked at what I had in my hand again.

I guess I WAS holding it this way too.
And that's when it hit me.

They thought that I was stuck in traffic like them and for some reason did this:
Disclaimer:  Not me.  If it was, I'd need a bigger bottle with a wider mouth.
 And for some reason, decided to drink it back in.

Oh poor me.
I still can only wonder why they even thought I would go drink my own pee in the first place.

I mean, come on, 
do I really look like someone who enjoys watersports?

They make a rainbow... where did you think them NIPS came from?

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Are you REALLY worth it?

An interesting question was raised to me earlier while I was at my favorite haunt regarding relationships.   I showed up to hang with my friends when out of the blue, someone who I have only begun to know as a friend threw me an interesting query:

How does one know when someone is worth it?

It seemed like a strange thing to ask, given we were at O bar enjoying our drinks while dancing to Kylie, Duffy and other wonderful singers.  The mood, though muddled a bit by a pair of horrendous monkeys who were practically dry humping on the stage, was far from serious and the drinks were still in their infancy.  I considered the fact that it may have been a question that had been nagging the said person's mind and he may have opted to ask me for my opinion given he knew me to be both old and much more introspective about things.

I repeated the question aloud and thought about it for a moment.  After all, the question had much more weight than one would expect.  Is a person's "worth", for example, something that another person has the right to determine?  Would factors such as occupation, personal wealth, good breeding, eloquence of speech and courage to come out be valid standards to forge the proper measure of a gay man?  Would judging another based on such color one as being materialistic?  Or a bigot?  Or even elitist?
We've all found ourselves at one point or another questioning our
own self-worth because of how another abused our trust and love.
Deciding it was best to get a better picture of why the question was asked, I prodded for more information and soon it became clear based on his answers why the question came to mind.  In brief, the guy had sacrificed numerous things for the other, thinking the other guy was a sure candidate for a long-term relationship, only to be rebuffed with a statement about not "wanting to be tied down" and then countered with accusations of flirting around with others and the like.   While I decided to tip-toe away from the dangerous quest of knowing whether the accusations or complaints were valid, I realized the specifics of why he asked the question were irrelevant to how I ultimately would answer the question.   And my answer was this:

The question of whether a person one likes is worth the effort or not is a question only the person involved can honestly answer.  

While other people may have opinions, informed or not, about the other, the person involved remains the sole holder of the right to decide if the other is worth his time.

Take for instance a couple where one is a wealthy, well-connected man of high profile status.  The man may be raking in thousands per week, driving the best car money can buy, and practically be a celebrity in his field of practice.  Some (and most of the time these would be parents or titos and titas) would say such a person is a great catch! That someone who is that successful is worth it, no matter how he is as a person.  For some, such a person can even be a habitual liar who sleeps around with total strangers, or a manipulative bastard who brainwashes his friends to like him by bribing them with gallant displays of generosity.  The idea that he's successful is worth those "tiny" problems.

On the other hand, imagine if one of the people in the couple happens to be a man who proclaims himself some kind of modern day hippie, despising work and relishing on spending his days doing practically nothing under the guise of searching for artistic perfection.  The lazy slob might automatically be deemed as worthless by others who think the fact he doesn't earn his keep makes him less of a man.  

But sometimes, such a strange mix can still work.  Sometimes, the unfaithful bastard in the first example might simply have psychological issues that the other understands and accepts.   Or sometimes, the sloth in the second example might truly be fantastically creative when the moment hits him and his partner embraces that probability and waits with him for that moment.
It takes two.  Two people who sleep around freely in a real open-relationship would work.
But one doing so, while the other has no idea or is kept from doing the same... that's doomed to fail.
Are these relationships doomed to fail?  Are they bound to work?

Maybe.  The only ones who can really answer that are those involved, if you ask me.  Yes, maybe they can be abusive.  Maybe they can be unfair.  But if the people involved ultimately are happy, then they deserve that happiness, as twisted and inappropriate as others might deem it.  Hey, come on, think about it.  We are gay.   We are in same-sex relationships.  A majority of the people of the world already deem us immorally inappropriate and biologically wrong.  

Does that make the relationship worth it, though?  Does that make it worth the pain?  The anguish?  The self-doubt?

Be honest.  
But while ideals are far from typical, I personally believe that one should always strive to at least reach for them.  And in a relationship, the ideals I uphold are those of Trust, Sensitivity, Patience and Responsibility.

In a relationship that is worth it, I believe both couples strive to maintain an ever present existence of trust with one another.  Trust after all, once broken, can take quite much more time than expected to heal.  And worse, many mistake a "bahala attitude" as trust.    Sensitivity, on the other hand, when present already reduces the presence of infidelity, selfishness and shallowness.  When one learns to hold one's partner's feelings in mind, one remains conscious of things that may strain the other's trust and patience.  A sensitive person would never hit on someone else, because that person knows such an act can be painful to the other.  A sensitive person would never claim to be okay with something, then complain about it once the other actually does it.  Patience is the glue that strengthens the three.  When one is patient in a relationship, one embraces the fact that no matter how close and wonderful two are together, one accepts the truth that they are still two different people.  And two different people may have differences in opinions, interests, or taste.   One learns to respect the needs of another, but, guided by sensitivity and empowered by trust, knows that such time will not be abused to the point it leaves the other feeling dejected or unwanted.   And lastly, Responsibility.  Knowing what resources exist in the relationship, from the material (cash) to the immaterial (time) and understanding that one has to treat such things with a much more mature perspective.  Many who simply "do what they want since no one is complaining" fail to realize how irresponsible they are.  Such people try to throw the blame on the other for not "telling them to stop" as if they were not given the brains to realize how abusive they are getting.

(I posted about this here too, for those who haven't read it.)

And with those said, we return to the question:

How does one know when someone is worth it?

I think ultimately we all can try to assume someone is for an unspecified period of time.  When we find someone we like, or feel we have a connection to, we decide, "Yes this person is worth it" for a period of time.  Ironically, this period of time tends to be the time we are merely getting to know someone more.  During this period, we cancel plans to make time for the other.  Or cancel purchases to treat the other out somewhere we like.  Many make the mistake of putting their best "show" forward, rather than being themselves, thinking it would be better to "win someone over" by showing them an "ideal" rather than to let someone get to know them as them and face the consequences.    But I personally don't think there's anything wrong with assuming someone is worth it this early.

In fact, I think ultimately, we never know for absolute certain if someone is worth it.  We can only assume.  Or rather, to be more accurate, we can believe the other is.

When we find someone we feel is worth it, we make a leap of faith.  We trust in something that doesn't exist.  We give that someone a chance to show us otherwise.  And sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes, we give more chances.  Sometimes, we give up.  Too soon.   Too late.

But we believe.

And that is a belief no one can tell us is wrong.  Because as individuals we have the right to make such decisions.   What we should never do, however, is blame the other for choosing to believe.    (We can always, however, curse them for lying if they do.)  And if we find someone who deserves us, it won't be hard to see how they too took that chance and believed in us.

And reached for the same ideals you had.

Leaping ain't too hard if you know you're both doing it for each other.
There is no harm in loving.  No harm in caring.  No harm in believing.
But if that trust is shattered, that sensitivity is trampled on, that patience is broken, and that sense of responsibility is abused, I only hope that you realize these things and remember:  You deserve better.

And someone out there, deserves you too.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Again, Dear Zac,

Oh my.  You really are not making this any easier for me are you?  More promo pictures of your upcoming new movie have come out and all I see are pictures of a man who feels haunted and rough.  Gone are all traces of the whiny girlie boy who kept shaking his ass in front of that girl who had a sex pic scandal.  (On hindsight, where are YOUR sex scandal pictures anyway?   They should be out by now!)

The pictures.   I was talking about the pictures.
Not you.

But yes, you once again are making me struggle to hold strong to my former views of you.  Nice guns too.  As fantastic as your body was before, I really love the fact you're headed towards beefier rather than direction of being another one of them fat-phobic-muscle twinks.  All that's missing now is a lush growth of chest and navel hair, and we  know from your old pics that the fuzzy chest and rich treasure trail are already pumping in your genes.  Just please stay AWAY from the damned razor.  No waxing, please.

I see you like packing stuff in the rear.
Seriously, Zac, let's leave the shaving for the rest of the world out there.   Same with the tattoos.  The LESS the better.   Frankly, I rather you stick to fake ones.  You look great without having to clip the fuzz and stain the skin.  Keep it that way.   Hell, you don't even have to swing our way.

Please be a fake tattoo.  Please be a fake tattoo.
Okay, fine.  If you really want to, I won't stop you.  But please, give Ang Lee an call and tell him it is time to make a new gay movie.  Perhaps you can persuade him to adapt the Carlo Vergara's One Night in Purgatory into a full length film.  Just be sure to remind Jake Gyllenhaal that he has to be in the movie too.   Tell him I can introduce you all to Carl too.  I'm sure he will like that.

This comic needs a movie adaptation.
And I mean a really good one.
Just don't do the mistakes Chris Evans (for Captain America) and Stephen Dorff (for the movie Somewhere, featured in the latest issue of V Man) have made.  Shaving is a thing of the past.  Today is a time when you can flaunt your fuzziness!


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Dear Zac Efron

This may come as a shock to you, but while I actually was a fan of High School Musical (and only the first movie), I never really found you hot.  Your features and eyes seemed strange to me.  I thought you looked more like a "better built Michael Jackson" than Michael Jackson.   Your smile was awkward in the wrong way and while you did have a nice singing voice (which I learned later was dubbed with another person's voice) I just didn't get why so many other people were dying to sleep with you.

And yes, I will admit, for someone of your age and looks, you have a fantastically fit body.    I know of so many people who would die to touch your arms, caress your chest, and maybe even fondle your armpit hair if given the chance.

Strangely, I was not one of them.

To keep it simple, I just didn't think you were all that.
Well, not until I saw these pictures:

Let me say this, Zac.
And this is to be immortalized on my very blog.
You are HOTNESS.
Or at least you have become in my eyes.    

From some squeaky strange mannequin-like boy you have transformed yourself in these pictures into a well-defined shapely man who carries himself in a no-nonsense attitude.  You wear clothes that actually suit you and have framed your once elven features with just enough fuzz to actually look like a man.

Finally, in my eyes, I see you and I can believe you have a penis.

Okay, that was a lie.

I always knew you had one.
But at least now I am certain it is a manly one.
(I was tempted to get into more detailed adjectives but then realized too many readers might end up making a mess on their laptops, iphones and public libraries.  So I will just leave it at that.)

But yes, Zac Efron, you have done very well in this pictorial.
Thanks to these pictures, I am now able to say,
"Yes, Zac Efron is hot!"

A pity this won't be a look you'll be sporting forever.

I just hate how Hollywood prefers its men clean and hairless like a prepubescent boy's testicle.  Seriously.  Men have hair for a reason.  Hair is hawt!  

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