PG4M Question: Which should come first?

Sex, Love or Friendship?

GG and me developed friendship first.

We allowed each other to get to know one another.

We saw each others strengths and weaknesses.

We saw and shared each other's passions and interests.

Mind you, we already were having feelings for one another, but rather than let feelings take charge in the start, we gave each other a chance to recognize each other's differences and similarities.

The love that bloomed eventually grew so strong, we had to admit we didn't want to be just friends.

And now, we're still together, and still getting stronger.

Recommended movie: Shelter

If you let friendship form before sex, the love that is created is a strong and pure one. 

If you let sex come first before friendship, you'll confuse lust for love and eventually find yourself looking at other people, because you "think" you're in love again with someone else.

That's how I've seen it, that's how I've experienced it, and that's how I am honestly answering this question.

Sex does not equate a relationship.  Or love.

It is just an act, anyone can do, with the right skills.

But love.
And friendship.

This is sooo true.

Those things need to be given time to bloom.  To develop.

To strengthen.

And sex too soon can weaken the foundations that love and friendship take root on.

PG4M Question worth sharing: when did you realize?

realized:
Swimming class in DBTI.  Everyone was changing into their swimming trunks when I saw one of my classmates whom I always found somewhat... different.  As he changed, my eyes focused on the way his abdominals flexed as he bent foward to pull his briefs down from under the towel wrapped around his waist.

I gasped.

And discovered I had a boner.
Quickly ran to a nearby toilet cubicle, locked myself inside, and stared at my member.  It had betrayed me! First time ever!  I stared at its purplish proud head and tried to will it to descend.  Instead it began to throb and yearned for my touch.

Hay. naku.

Accept:
It would not be until a few more years before I'd finally accept I wasn't straight.
But those years were me struggling to understand why I wasn't "bakla" the way bakla was said to be (cross-dressing, high pitched talking as promoted by mass media icons roderick paulate, etc) but not macho either.  I had girlfriends who I really loved.  I had boyfriends who I really loved.  It was on my first year in college that I finally understood that I was bisexual.  Not a phase.  Not a confusion.  I loved men and women.  No change that.  I loved.  It didn't matter if it was a man or a woman.


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From forum discussions on Pinoy Gay4Men v3.0 forums
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Reasonable to Reconnect

I've heard loads of excuses and reasons in my time.

Yes, you've heard it right.  Rocky and I have decided to become active in the revived Pinoy G4M webforum after being invited by one of their administrators to a sandwich party.   And so far, I do not have any complaints. There is always something nice about being back in touch with a network of people who share some of one's interests.  While Rocky and I have been delightfully part of the geek circles (ranging from Via Astris to Lost in the Philippines, all part of the New Worlds Alliance) as well as gaming circles, our range of gay friends has been in many ways reflected by those we either have already known for quite some time, or were ties through our respective exes (in many ways a combination of both).   I will have to admit that a large part of my choosing to stop being part of the gay social networks was the exhaustion that came with fending off far too many inquiries from total strangers if I was a top or willing to have sex.    Somehow, the idea that I was still on the network was enough reason to assume I was willing to play around even if I was clearly stating my presence was merely one seeking to find new friends.

Not everyone is a social manipulator.  Some of us are really just shy.

So yeah, after ceasing to be part of any for quite some time, we're back online and part of the network and barely a week in, we've already met some fun people who are quite entertaining to toss back and forth ideas and anecdotes.  While the flirtatious exchanges are still there, it is nice to see how a much larger majority of the messages sent around are more intellectually stimulating than not.  Already, a thread from another friend has created an "event" based on the Singapore PINK DOT 2011 YouTube video.  And even more interestingly is the small, but still present, interest that has been gained in being more active in the next Pride March.  (It is sad though that the location of the Singapore event prohibits foreigners from being part of the dot itself.  But that's life I guess.)

While we're not allowed to be part of the Singapore PINK DOT event,
we can still show our own support for the Freedom to Love.

As expected, there are already some who tease me as being a snob.  I don't blame them.  As social as I can get in face-to-face interactions, when meeting people for the very first time (and possibly up to the third time), I can be quite a challenge to connect with if the event is one which I am not typically comfortable with.  I tend to be a social mirror, adapting to a situation and following the trends of discussion, in such events - and unfortunately when faced with a group that seems to be familiar with everyone else save me, that strategy falters since most discussions become more of the inside-joke sort of talk.   But rest assured, given time, I'm sure some people will warm up to me and realize I'm not as snobbish as I may have projected myself.    People who easily and quickly connect with me, however, soon discover how much low maintenance a friend I actually am.   Rocky and I actually reconnected on G4M after merely seeing each other in brief instances during the New Worlds convention in Makati.    Neither of us expected the immensity of a connection we'd feel when we finally would meet face-to-face.

Rainbows can be different, after all.

But yeah, I am expecting that soon enough there would be some who wouldn't be too keen on having me now as part of the PinoyG4M site.  From experience, there will always be people who would find me and my strong opinions about certain things as something to complain against.  I've known of times when people misinterpret my friendliness as "come ons" and even know of two instances where a full-fledged narrative of a nonexistent relationship had already been created by the other party, and is still being cited as a reason to hate me.  But I guess that's why we queers are fruits; there will always be the good apples, and the bad ones.

Individuals meeting together = network

Overall, being back and active on PinoyG4M is a good feeling.  While I don't foresee it being an avenue for any hookups or what not (hello?  I'm happily with someone.)   I do excitedly look forward to finding more friends and possibly creating a bigger circle for gay geeks to share their thoughts on their favorite fandoms and games.  Maybe even someday drag them over to the Sietch for a party or to attend the next Open gaming meet?