Friday, November 12, 2010

Again, Dear Zac,

Oh my.  You really are not making this any easier for me are you?  More promo pictures of your upcoming new movie have come out and all I see are pictures of a man who feels haunted and rough.  Gone are all traces of the whiny girlie boy who kept shaking his ass in front of that girl who had a sex pic scandal.  (On hindsight, where are YOUR sex scandal pictures anyway?   They should be out by now!)

The pictures.   I was talking about the pictures.
Not you.

But yes, you once again are making me struggle to hold strong to my former views of you.  Nice guns too.  As fantastic as your body was before, I really love the fact you're headed towards beefier rather than direction of being another one of them fat-phobic-muscle twinks.  All that's missing now is a lush growth of chest and navel hair, and we  know from your old pics that the fuzzy chest and rich treasure trail are already pumping in your genes.  Just please stay AWAY from the damned razor.  No waxing, please.

I see you like packing stuff in the rear.
Seriously, Zac, let's leave the shaving for the rest of the world out there.   Same with the tattoos.  The LESS the better.   Frankly, I rather you stick to fake ones.  You look great without having to clip the fuzz and stain the skin.  Keep it that way.   Hell, you don't even have to swing our way.

Please be a fake tattoo.  Please be a fake tattoo.
Okay, fine.  If you really want to, I won't stop you.  But please, give Ang Lee an call and tell him it is time to make a new gay movie.  Perhaps you can persuade him to adapt the Carlo Vergara's One Night in Purgatory into a full length film.  Just be sure to remind Jake Gyllenhaal that he has to be in the movie too.   Tell him I can introduce you all to Carl too.  I'm sure he will like that.

This comic needs a movie adaptation.
And I mean a really good one.
Just don't do the mistakes Chris Evans (for Captain America) and Stephen Dorff (for the movie Somewhere, featured in the latest issue of V Man) have made.  Shaving is a thing of the past.  Today is a time when you can flaunt your fuzziness!



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