Monday, January 31, 2011

So You're Finally Straight?

Have you ever met Roy G. Biv?
In the many years that I have been searching for my identity, I realized the truth that even in the gay community, there are very many shades of pink and very varied combinations of the rainbow. During my high school and college years, I can still recall how I used to struggle to find a role-model and others to relate with in terms of my then still emerging bisexuality. Having come from an extremely Catholic exclusive school for boys, when the first shades of the rainbow entered my life I was horrified and on the verge of suicidal. It felt like a blow from karma itself, considering my earlier grade school years were spent picking on the evidently gay classmates and beating them up. Thankfully, such idiotic machismo of the past were resolved with apologies way back, and I was back then left with the need to find others "like me" in a world that still believes the Virgin Mary made the sun dance.

I believe in miracles.  But those that "happen" in the Philippines... are just harder to believe.
I recall meeting many new faces and making lots of great friends. Some were straight, and some were gay. But more and more I saw that none of them were like me at all. The straight friends shared some interests of mine, but unlike me could barely tolerate theater musicals or Kylie Minogue. My gay friends loved the empress Kylie herself, but then were also into other music divas and were definitely far more effeminate and opinionated over things that I could relate with. The moment I walked to share my musings on the hot soccer player in my class, my straight male friends would shake their heads and helpfully suggest I just wank one off to calm myself down. I was just going through a phase, they would say. Til I found the right girl. When, on the other hand, I would gab about the sexy lady who agreed to be my photography model, my gay friends would call me traitor or claim I was still pretending to be straight and far to chicken to admit I was a fag. I didn't get it. Why were both sides of my life saying I didn't exist.

And that really sucked.
Nowadays, thankfully, the world has learned to see the rainbow and all its colors. Don't get me wrong, there are still a huge portion of the world that fails to grasp the broader and more accepting scope of human sexuality. But at least I do know now that real honest-to-goodness bisexual guys like me who loves cock and pussy and breasts, armpits and ass and all do actually exist. I am not alone. And while there are many still close-minded amusingly "just as homophobic as homophobes" gay guys out there, the kind of gay men who think all bisexuals are just confused or afraid to admit they are gay, there also are many who know that people like me can love another regardless of how the said other goes through puberty.

I wrote about this topic much more animatedly with a clear evident sense of frustration in my entry called The Battle for Bisexuality. I sort of cover it again today because I found myself thinking of the time many people who met me a few years back when I was still with my then girlfriend would ask, "So does this mean you are finally straight?"
One man's drama, another man's... well... drama.
Why think of that all of the sudden? Because it made me remember how many people who have embraced me as me and are proud to be my friend are really still thinking of bisexuality as just a transitional period.    I don't blame them for not knowing any better.  After all, if during my time, I was struggling to find good role models and information regarding my sexuality, I can imagine that now in the age of Google and Facebook, the search for reliable information regarding bisexuality can still be daunting.  The internet after all is filled with information:  a lot of it born from ignorance and hate, some of it born from actual wisdom, and occasionally a gem that has precisely what you need to know but is the hardest to find.

So here, in this post, I thought I'd share two links which I feel are very nice write-ups on both the myths that people tend to believe about bisexuality, as well as a broad coverage of the many facets of the gay rainbow.
They should have an episode devoted to rainbow myths.
The myths were tackled by the Bi's and Allies caucus of Pride at UIC.    They nicely list down the top seven misconceptions people tend to have about bisexuality including the myth that a bisexual person can never be faithful to one person, and that straight society actually accepts bisexuals more.
Sorry, I know she's a great person, but I still find her unibrow scary.
The other is the GOT QUEER campaign of Simon Fraser University which nicely adapts the "Got Milk" ads into an awareness movement to help bring out better gender sensitivity.  The campaign actually touches on a very wide gamut of things, and for sure there will be some who will question their choice of terms.

Ultimately, I am still happy to know such resources do exist now and if there are any still closeted guys and girls out there who actually love reading my blog, I hope these two links help you find your way.  Coming out is not just all hype and melodrama.  There really are advantages and very powerful emotionally fulfilling memories born from the act of taking that stand to proclaim you are not afraid of being yourself.  I hope that someday, you will find the courage I too found when I came out to my parents.
Yes to love in all forms.  Love!
All we want to do is love the people we love, after all.
Given all the misconceptions and lies bandied around about us, the least you can do for yourself is be proud of who you are and prove them wrong.



i still don't understand bisexuality either. i know the definitions and all, but i don't really understand it yet.

yeah, the problem is that people have abused the term. a lot of gay guys claim to be bisexual just to soften the judgements they get. and also to get more hookups since "bisexual" seems to promise more masculinity than "gay".

i'm doing my best to understand it, though. i think i just need to meet people who are actually bisexual and not just pretending to be one. but the problem there is how to sort out the posers.


For me, learning to come to accept my bisexuality followed after I came to realize that I always found myself falling in love with a person for who the person was. Boy or girl, masculine or feminine, once I got to know someone enough to see their strengths and weaknesses, to embrace their dreams and understand their fears, the biology did not matter. The person did.

And that's how it always made sense to me. Others believe in love at first sight upon seeing the perfect bicep or the most luscious pair of breasts.

I fall in love with the person based on who the person is.

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