Does Being Gay (or Female) Matter in a RPG?

One of my biggest hobbies is role playing games.  Now I don't mean those kind of role playing couples get into while in bed doing the doggy dance.  I mean the kind one plays with the use of interestingly shaped dice, interactive storytelling, pencils, paper sheets and character concepts.  I have been a gamer for many years and I noticed that while some games totally ignore the relevance of having a male or female character, other games love utilizing it as an in-game mechanic.

Gamer partners are easy to please.  Just buy them a nice new set of dice
for a present when you run out of ideas. 

It led me to wonder, is it good or bad when role playing games ignore gender and sex in a game?
Role playing games have always allowed me to explore character concepts which I probably would never have the chance to (or in some cases, never morally or logically be inclined to doing) in real life.  My first actual proper rpg character was a female Paladin named Shel Downwind (I use such disclaimers because my very first game was some elven ranger on a volcano) who had a ring of regeneration and eventually was pivotal in saving the Realms from the Avatar Wars in our gaming group.   Later on, I would find myself playing  an insane Malkavian vampire named Gabriel who believed that if one stared at a dying man's eyes at the moment he expired, one would glimpse the soul and know true beauty.  Crazy scary stuff eh?  More concepts  came and went and ultimately, I've played characters who were male, female, alien, transsexual, straight, gay, closeted, homophobic, religious, insane, militaristic, compassionate, devoted, crazed and more.  The point was, role playing games allowed me to explore a lot of these things in the safety of my own home without ever  actually illegally performing such things.

My friend Mara is wondering when I last shaved as I try to explain to her in brief the system for
White Wolf Gaming Studios' Scion.

The role playing game community, years back, seemed neck deep in straight guys alone.  For me, it wasn't until the rise of popularity of Anne Rice novels and the emergence of White Wolf's World of Darkness that gay gamers as well as gay characters started to become more visible.  And while most gaming books still retain the straight-male-geek demographic as their target market, some like White Wolf have attempted to sound more gender savvy (like in White Wolf books, the pronoun "she" is used instead of "he").   Later companies tried to reflect an awareness of such a shift in their books by adding disclaimers that the pronoun "he" was merely used for simplicity sake and not intended to mean only males were expected to play the game.

They should have made this scene last for half an hour.

Clearly there was an attempt to be much more gender sensitive in some ways.  I wondered however, if this sensitivity extended as well to the actual game itself?  Did being straight, gay, male or female matter in a rpg?

Decided to post this rather than the expected Dragon Age image.

White Wolf Gaming Studios, creators of games such as Vampire: The Masquerade, Vampire: the Requiem, and Exalted, approached sex and gender as something vital only depending on the setting of the game.  For example, in their Dark Ages using their old World of Darkness line, playing a woman meant having the flaw (Second Class Citizen) which was to reflect how during the period, women were seen to have less rights and freedoms than men.  In their Exalted line, on the other hand, there are merits to reflect being fertile or not since in that game, certain character types can bear interesting children if mixed and matched.  A recent book even used numerous movie and tv tropes as the basis for outlandish (and possibly offensive) merits available only to those who are playing a woman.

Crazy = Straight Jacket.

Dungeons and Dragons on the other hand once tried to reflect the differences between men and women by setting different "ranges" for how a man or a woman's Strength can start at.  There were also differences in their typical "starting ages" as well as "maximum old ages".   So yes, there was a time in Dungeons and Dragons when all female characters could never be stronger than male characters, even if both rolled 18 for Strength in their initial character creation.

DC Heroes (and for those who are familiar with the many variations, here I am choosing to view the MEGS version) doesn't care if the character you create is male or female.  And thankfully, this nicely is reflected in how the comics do have characters of immense strength or ability, regardless of gender.

Alex Ross, you rule.

Houses of the Blooded nicely reflects the importance of romance and drama in a character concept but like DC Heroes seems to have little care of whether or not a character is male or female.  The game nicely shows you how the creative flow of a game isn't supposed to be in the hands of the game master/storyteller alone.

This book is barely $5 for the PDF.   Trust me, it is worth every single penny.
I'm just happy a friend found a copy of the physical book in a booksale here in Manila.

It was in Weapon of the Gods that I felt a nice balance of setting reflective systems with the freedom to play women who are or can be stronger than men.  Weapon of the Gods allowed one to purchase Lores that expanded one's background or ongoing destiny in the game, and among them were the options to purchase Homosexuality, being a woman and the like.  Such purchases then opened the options to buy other setting enhancing things such as how homosexual men can use a special martial art to shift their chi to masculine or feminine, or how women can have a Lore that allows them to carry a child to term and yet remain fit and capable of active martial arts combat.  The game nicely reflected the fact that role playing games might cater to players who will predominantly want to play male roles, but still had enough system crunch to interest players who wanted to explore gay and/or feminine roles.  Sadly, EOS press, which publishes the game, seems to no longer be online.

A pity it is no longer in print.

I wonder though if there are games out there that nicely cater to players who want to truly explore games where being male, female, homosexual or heterosexual, matter.  The irony however is the more you try to make such things "matter" the greater the chance you end up looking like you're being predisposed or biased towards one or the other.

Me running FIGHT! where non-gamers are invited to roll three green dice in hopes of besting my roll.  The hearts on my chest were reminiscent of the Life Meter in Zelda games.  I'd lose a heart for each dice roll lower than theirs.  Ultimately, this was me trying to make people have fun even without computers.

But since role playing games are all about exploring character concepts and creating stories, I would love to see or hear about gaming systems where players are encouraged to try concepts that might be very distant from who they are or what they typically play.    It might help people see role playing games as more than just the lonely straight sexless geek guy's hobby, and make them realize a lot of us gamers actually get much more sex than you average straight non-gamers than you think!

Monkeys are Invading, Oh my. Or Should I say, my O?

I was at my favorite haunt earlier at my usual reserved table when a bunch of newcomers showed up and planted themselves beside my table.  At first I was considering being congenial when I realized they were new to the bar after one of them asked a friend, "Where's the rest room in this place?"  Newbies to my favorite haunt nowadays usually meant people who used to go to the currently closed "other" bar which had shut down to do renovations due to a very "timely" fire that happened recently to the place.

Things turned south, however, when two in the group looked at me and noticed that I was sitting and enjoying some mixed sausage dish with my beer rather than scouting for man-meat or dancing.  Two of the group, perhaps wrongly thinking I had less-than-adequate hearing skills, started a conversation about me:

Monkey One:  Pare, You'd think people would go to a bar to drink and dance.
Monkey Two:  Probably cause no one is minding him.  That's what happens when you're not hot.

I had half the mind to educate the monkeys on a few facts, when it dawned upon me any attempt to illuminate them on the truth would fall on brains that were unable to comprehend higher communication.  The facts were:

1) The bar was my favorite haunt.  One that had to a great extent recognized my presence as one they enjoyed having.  While most patrons enjoy a bar just to hunt for man-meat or get drunk, I was actually one of the few who gave back to the bar my own display of gratitude by supporting it in various means, from spreading news of the place to others to generate new customers, or by informing them of any problems that arise (e.g. drunken patrons who need to be shown out, abusively rude patrons who think anyone in the bar can be molested sexually, etc)  As such, I actually am reserved a table for the nights I show up.  I am given some extra space when I am there to celebrate a birthday or other special occasion.  And more.

2) While drinking and dancing was expected of such a place, they also pride themselves in having great food. And that was a service I was indulging in gratefully.  For them to think eating there was a "wrong thing to do" was clearly a show of how inept and ignorant they are of the place.

3) I am happily in a relationship.  I had no intention of hunting for meat.  I had no desire to be the target of people hunting for meat.  In fact, I had two guys trying to eye-volleyball me whom I ignored, and one guy who hit on me in the bathroom who I turned down, gently.   I don't recall any of them actually being approached the whole night.  Oh wait, the waiter did.  I guess that *should* count.  At least he was someone who wanted "something" from them.  Bwahahah!

4) They were monkeys.  For all their pomp, they were barely attractive or noteworthy.  Heck, I only noticed them because they chose to plant themselves near me and had the gall to mouth me off.  No sass.  No style.  No breeding.  Nuff said.

So rather than make an issue out of it, I enjoyed my food and drinks and shared more laughs with my friend, and quietly smiled as the show began and their drinks, which were littering the stage area, were gathered as they were shooed away to move to some other dark corner instead.

While I am given some level of special treatment, it is a bonus that I have been given having earned it.  I am a regular of the place and in more times than one have shown that I give back to the bar in many ways.    I only hope that the place those monkeys frequent reopens soon, just so that they stop polluting places I hang out at with their clearly misguided self-delusion of self-importance.

Monkeys, be warned.
I bark back when pushed.
Don't wait for the point I bite.

Musings on Coming Out

Coming out to my parents was something that I have long wanted to do.  For many years I had been wanting to take that final step but there was always some "reason" that would come up that would "convince me" that it wasn't the proper time.  I would find myself blaming concerns about their health, worries about whether or not I was ruining their day, etc.  For many years I would find myself getting depressed on my birthday with the thought that it was another year that my parents did not know their own son.   And while the thought of coming out was always there, the push I needed to make that final step was not to come until I met my partner.

My partner has been out of the closet for years before I met him.  In many ways, he helped me realize how much I had been keeping myself from truly making that final step forward.  I would like to share some quotes of his which really struck me:

"There will always be a reason not to come out."

For someone who isn't ready, there will always be a reason not to.  This was the very truth that I had been living the last few years.  It didn't matter if I was actively part of some event that called for Gender Equality.   It did not matter if I was working on a production that enlightened people on Gender sensitivity and the importance of being aware of the politics behind such things.   It did not matter if I was going to dress up in women's clothes for a play production.  My parents saw me as a young man who viewed the world much more openly than they did and was willing to do anything for his art.    They never assumed I was anything but straight.  They never questioned the fact I would have a "best friend" who stayed over so often, and eventually  replaced with a new "best friend" who would stay just as frequently over.

And while that made hiding in the closet easier, it never changed the fact that the choice to come out was a choice that I had to make for myself.  Others don't have it so lucky.  Others find themselves thrown into the spotlight of coming out by the actions of other people.

But unless the choice to do so is embraced, there will always seemingly be an endless number of reasonable excuses not to.

"Coming Out is a Personal Thing."

No one, ideally, should be the reason for your coming out save your want to be out.  Being outed is never a pleasant experience.   (While there have been instances where the reaction is favorable, the moment of being outed is always a stressful moment of helplessness which I have heard is best never experienced by choice.)   Coming out is a personal choice.  It is an act of self empowerment.  It is a moment of recognizing yourself and being able to say who you are.

When I met my partner, part of me desired to finally come out in order to be able to proudly say I am with him.  But on further reflection, I realize how that the idea of being able to proclaim we were together was only born from the desire to firstly be able to say I am who I am.  While his presence in my life has inspired me and  lent me the courage to come out, it was my need to be able to be recognized as me that demanded it be done.  All those years of introducing my parents to my "best friend" had to end.  All those years of playing the pronoun game of "with my partner" or "with my significant other" tired me.  I wanted to say, "with HIM".  I wanted to say his name and not just his role in my life.

Coming out also became a personal act of reintroduction to my parents.  I wanted them to no longer have doubts of who I was.  Rumors fly quite easily in a Filipino community, and I was certain there have been those who asked them if I was gay before.  I am sure that they said I wasn't.  And I am doubly certain that they had moments they did ponder if I indeed was.  Coming out was to put that wondering to rest.

Did it make things more difficult for me and my parents?

Admittedly, I have been having it much easier than most.  My parents have been very expressive of how much they love and support me, even if they are still shocked and disappointed by the fact their son isn't as they had hoped he would be.  Their upbringing and personal ideals see my being gay as something they are still in some ways denying to be real, and in other ways, hurting but struggling to accept.  I've had my share of painful comments from them, but ultimately, I understand it is their way of coping.  I feel more the love and support they share than the fear they have of their son having "lost his way."

And while yes, there are those awkward moments (like when I joined my dad for dinner with his friends.  They were grilling me on whether I was seeing someone, and my dad adamantly told them, "No he isn't." even if he was aware of me living with my partner for over a year now.) they aren't anything more than growing pains of a family that is learning to recognize each other as adults and see each other clearer without having to read between the lines.  I had planned to post an entry detailing how the night of me coming out transpired, but as I write this entry, I realize that night will for now be something that I will not have online for the time being.  It will have to be something for me and my parents for now.  Something I may share in discussion face to face, but not something left out on the web for public consumption.

Maybe later on, when the hurting is less there for them (and in some ways, for me), I can give a clearer account of how it transpired.  Who knows, that might even inspire others to go for it to.

They say once you come out of the closet, you can never come back in.

Frankly, I've finally come out and I can't help but think why I even tried to stay in for so long in the first place.

Our White Party Shirt Designs!

Celebrating my very first official White Party (although I did attend the previous White Party last year, I wasn't officially out yet back then) with Rocky, my partner of over one year, we decided to have shirts that proudly reflected our gender as well as our geekiness in a single go.

With Pink Triangles to reflect our gay status, we added a rainbow loop to be sure to encompass the official gay colors in our design.  In the back, however, we definitely wanted something that proclaimed how much of a geek we were and at the same time, when seen together worked perfectly as a show we were a couple.

We chose Katamari Damacy!
With the King of all Cosmos on my back, and the numerous cousins on my partner's back, we then added the words Royal and Rainbow underneath each one.  When together, we easily formed the term Royal Rainbow, which anyone who played Katamari Damacy would easily know is the gayest mode of transport available to man!    The shirts were beautiful and exciting concept wise, but sadly were not executed as well as we had hoped.

Ultimately, we were happy to have our first official Gay Pride White Party couple shirts and we're definitely looking to making this a yearly practice!

Happy Gay Pride to you all!

You... Yes you!

Happy Birthday to you, Mr. Mraz.
May I someday look as hot as you do.

Thank you for the music and for inspiring us to truly believe in honest love.

The White Party 2010

The White Party is coming up.
My partner and I have been excitedly sharing ideas on what kind of white shirt to wear to the event.  While he has always been a faithful participant of the White Parties in the past, for me, this is going to be the second White Party I have ever attended.

As embarrassing as it may be to admit, I wasn't even that aware of the significance of the Stonewall Raids until recently.  For quite some time, my being bisexual was merely some hidden stigma that I had to hide from my parents and that I carefully shared with my friends.  Growing up had me uncertain if I could enjoy shows like Will and Grace without triggering their alarms.  And while I never found myself draw to shows like Queer as Folk, I did have those times when I wanted to state how hot Jake Gyllenhaal was in Donnie Darko or how sexy I found both Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks.

But thankfully, this last year has been one of finding myself and being more able to honestly speak of my desires, interests and expectations.  Ever since I came out to my parents (and yes, I am still working on THAT blog entry) I have felt this huge need to "hide things" lifted from my chest.  While I haven't exactly been given a go signal to clearly talk about how much I love my partner, or how cute Bear Grylls looks with my parents, I now don't have to lie to them and simply call my partner "my best friend."  I can now tell them that the upcoming Saturday night is already mapped out in my schedule as the Gay Pride White Party.  I can honestly tell them that I don't necessarily agree with how some people interpret things in the Bible to "prove" being gay is wrong.

So yeah, with the White Party coming up, my partner and I have been coming up with concepts on what kinds of shirts we can use.  While most gay people would jump at such an opportunity to show some skin, dress in drag, or peruse the attendance of the event as merely another sexual meat locker to choose from, me and my partner see it as a chance to once more reaffirm our honesty to one another and to ourselves both as geeks and as a gay couple.

Being the White Party, a white shirt was pretty much assured.  To show our gay pride, the presence of the rainbow and a pink triangle was definitely to be present.  To proudly show our geek side too, however, required some thought.

Initially, I thought of making the shirts reflect the recent DC Blackest Night story arc.  With the Pink Corps reflecting our Love for each other (and gay pride to boot!) our backs would display our "class colors" as an inside joke.

While cute, my partner wasn't sure if it seemed apt for the Gay Pride event.

Tossing another idea at him, my inner geek elitist came out and I came up with this design instead.  Only people who knew Dr. Who would be able to recognize the objects, and more so the double meaning lines that were to be in the back of the shirts.   My partner found them cute but wasn't sure if he wanted to be labelled "Bigger in the inside."

So we threw back and forth more ideas and eventually found ourselves going back to one of the major geeky things that we both absolutely adored.



So what will the shirt designs look like?
You'll just have to wait and see!

:-)

See you at the White Party!

I believe in Karma. And Stupidity.

I recently attended a birthday bash a friend of mine was having.   The party was held at our favorite haunt and with three tables reserved just for us, I opted to stay at the table I usually am at, enjoying its familiarity and closeness to the air conditioner.  There were a large number of new faces that evening.  While I was amongst friends and good buddies, there was a very generous helping of new faces and I had my share of introductions and ice breaker toasts.  A few more tequila shots later between rounds of Extra Joss empowered beer and I found myself giddy and dancing to the great music.    I saw a lot of old friends who now had partners and true to my nickname-sake, began to talk to each of them like a mother would to her child's new suitor.  I reminded them of the importance of honesty and respect and how if they crossed the line, I would call upon every true and powerful thing outside the arms of the law to smite them.

The night was good.  Dancing and laughter were shared in abundance.  Anecdotes shared.  Jokes remembered.

I missed my partner.  He was stuck at work that night, and being a responsible manager, he didn't exactly think the idea of just calling in sick was acceptable.  So I had dropped him off at work before driving to the party and now felt how much I wished he was with me.  The sea of laughing faces, iced alcohol and frenetic dance steps seemed less... fun... without him.

It was then that it happened.

As the group toasted another round for the birthday boy, a friend I had not seen for quite some time stumbled close - evidently having a tad too much to drink - and stared at the boyfriend of one of my buddies.  With a smile, the friend swung an arm around the boyfriend's neck, then pulled him close as if to whisper something to his ear.   This was happening just a foot in front of me.   Leaning close to grab the friend in case gravity won against his wobbly knees, I overheard him stumbling over his own words as he slid his hand to the guy's chest and squeezed.

Uh oh.

A quick glance and I saw the boyfriend's partner, my other friend, staring at the incident with contained anger.  Knowing this was most likely the alcohol and not actual stupidity, I stepped forward and quickly grabbed drunk buddy with my arms, pulled him off the boyfriend, and sat him down beside me.  Drunk friend laughed, obviously oblivious to what was going on, and asked me if he can hug me.  I told him it was fine and used it as a means to keep him from tipping over.

While I am not that much a believer that alcohol should excuse one of acting stupidly (for I still believe no matter how drunk a person gets, the choice to act is always a choice, though admittedly drunk people make really bad ones.  The alcohol does NOT make the choice for you.)  I began think about how some people choose to act stupidly for supposed romantic or whatever reasons, but when truly confronted are easily revealed to be selfish ones.  And mind you, I am in no means washing my hands clean and claiming to be pure and innocent of stupid choices.  I too have made my own number of mistakes in the past.  But I have always admitted my mistakes and lived up to my promises.

I know of some people who seem to thrive on the idea of going for people who are attached.  It does not matter how loyal the others are, or whether or not their own relationship is going well.  The call for something as forbidden as a taken man seems too irresistible to ignore.

I know also of others who live their lives crying wolf.  They lie, cheat, and in some cases even steal, then when caught blame society, blame their partner, blame the other man, or even blame mental illness they claim to have... but never do they simply fess up and admit their fault.

And I know of others who thrive on manipulation and gossip.  They twist the truth and spread so much white lies, they convince themselves of their own inventions.  Even something as me telling another, "I rather not say anything at the risk of being accused of backstabbing a person.." was reinterpreted and spread as me supposedly spreading bad gossip about a person.

Stupid people.
Stupid choices.
And worse yet, the stupid fact that many others are blind to these facts and accept their words as gospel.

Sometimes I wish I could do something to help.  Many of these people aren't exactly enemies or people I dislike (although there is one whom I wish would finally pay the karmic debt of all the @*$*&#%^*# he's done to others), and sad but true, most won't take kindly to any attempt to help them become better people.  Some would cry foul and demand to be given the "right" to live their lives how they want.   And while I do agree we all have a right to finding our own kind of happiness, how does one balance respecting such rights when one can clearly see the other is trapped in an unfair situation?

"If they don't help themselves..."

I was told that was supposed to be the main difference.  If you have a friend whose hard-earned money was being leeched away by a wife who seems to be the very definition of infidelity, you have no right to say anything is wrong about it if the friend doesn't complain anyway.  That's their life.  That's their call if they want to live that kind of a life.

In some ways, that sounds true.

However, what if the friend doesn't complain not because he is okay with it, but because he just rather not "make a fuss" over things.   It isn't that he's happy with the situation or accepts it.  What if its because he thinks by acting he loses everything?

This seems to be a long blog entry with no clear direction.  I guess I was just trying to jot down thoughts and see where they lead.  Sometimes, I think it is easier to just pretend that I don't know things.  Pretend I don't see the little wrongs going on.  To just act as if I was blind too to the unacceptable acts of stupidity that people I care about engage in.

But would that not be any different from getting drunk, then blaming the beer for hitting on a friend's boyfriend?

Wouldn't that just be a choice to be dishonest?