Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Pancakes and Wavelengths

It is almost 8:00a.m. and I am right now cooking some banana pancakes for breakfast/dinner.  It was supposed to be a surprise for my partner but somehow (again) he read my mind even if he was kilometers away at work.  Surprises are hard to do in our relationship simply because of this thing we call the wavelength that we share.

The wavelength is the word we use when we attempt to define this connection that we both share.  As baduy as it sounds, my partner and I have this almost unbelievable ability to pick up on each other's thoughts and sync together like an iPhone plugged into a computer with iTunes.   This has ranged from something as simple a both of us listening to the same song even if we're miles apart, to something as strange as me dreaming of the theme song to Garfield and Friends on the same day he decides to choose it as his Listening to: entry in his live journal account.   The anecdotes we can share about our wavelength are many.  There was that one time we were eating with some friends.  I was facing one friend while he was facing another and the very moment I felt the urge to hand him my glass to take a sip from, was the very moment he actually choked on a bit of food.  So the moment I turned to offer the glass, he was turning to reach for me and ask for it.   There was that other time when we were both in a music shop looking for stuff to get and he happened upon a Limited release of Jason Mraz' We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things 2 CD collection.  So he snagged it, intent on surprising me and when he was about to show me what he got, there I am holding the same 2 CD collection, cause I had planned to buy it to surprise him.

The stories are many.   Very many.

And I can honestly tell you, I used to want to think they were all just moments of chance or coincidence.  I was scared at how incredible a connection we had between us.   I was amazed, but at the same time, a tad frightened and overwhelmed.  These were the kind of things people only wrote about in songs.  Or talked about in movies.  This wavelength... it couldn't be real.

But it was.  And one of the biggest moments it was felt was when my partner and I were on the verge of breaking away from each other.  The details of that night are private and I will not recount them here.  However, what I will say is that there was that one point when my partner opted to raise his defenses and close himself internally from the incoming pain.  It was something he always did, I was to learn later on.  Some defense mechanism he had developed which no one knew about.  Like an island city, he would raise the bridges that connected his heart to the outside world and detach himself from everything else.  Outwardly, however, he would show no change.  His expressions and manner of speech would not change at all.

And yet, I felt the sudden distance that existed.  I felt the emergence of a massive gulf which did not once exist.  I felt him move away.

So I told him to stop.  I asked him what he was doing and begged him to stop doing it.

I felt it.

So he stopped.

It is this strange yet real and almost tangible bond that we share which makes our relationship beautiful and to be honest, something that we understand is greater than just the two of us.    Something that is bigger than anything else we have ever had.

And it is real.

I can only hope more people find something like this in their lives.
For now, though, I have pancakes to finish.  :-)


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